Veronica's blog: "Veronica"

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence," he said. "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," said the woman. "What a coincidence," said the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!" "What a coincidence," said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For months all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs." "That's great!" said the woman, "How did you manage that?" "I switched cocks," he replied. She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

Dear Alcohol, First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences: 1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends/boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night? 2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time. 3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance; I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock. 4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities. Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership. Thank you, Your Biggest Fan

To The Man I Love..... I promise you my love I promise you my heart I promise you my life I promise we'll never be apart I promise not to hurt you I promise to never make you cry I promise to always trust you I promise not to lie I promise you forever I promise you tonight I promise you my respect I promise to do things right I promise to always be there I promise until the end I promise to always love you I promise to be your best friend I promise you my love I promise you my life I promise this forever I promise our friendship and love is my life you're the PEANUT to my BUTTER , you're the STAR to my BURST, you're the M to my M, you're the POP to my TART, you're the MILKY to my WAY, you're the FRUIT to my LOOP, you're the MILK to my DUDS, you're the LUCKY to my CHARMS, you're the ICE to my CREAM, but mostly.... you're the BEST to my FRIEND (I Love You Baby!)