CantSleepClownsWillEatMe's blog: "Venting"

Well I logged off the pc before she got home from work. Needless to say I did hide out in my daughters room in the sweltering heat. (We hit records today with 101) She hasn't mentioned anything else to me, but I have this really empty feeling if that makes sense. The way that I see it, if I do have to go stay at my moms until I go back to Germany can't be as bad as staying here feeling like I am in jail or being treated like a 2 year old. At least at my moms I would have my own room and peace and quiet. The only thing I would not like is having to give up the job I got because there is no bus out there. With all of this bullshit I am damned if I do and damned if I dont. For me being a usually "UP" and Cheery person, I am feeling really hollow right now. My only goal at this moment is to be back in Germany with Rudi and that is not possible till at least August 20th, and thats only because passport bullshit. I do need to snap out of this though, because I hate being in this mode =(

Well after speaking to my mom, I can stay out there. Thats not a problem. The only thing is, her internet connection is dial up so that will blow for me. I wont be able to work where I am currently, but can possibly find another job. My boyfriend, as wonderful as he is told me that I do not deserve to be treated like my sister is treating me, and if it came down to it he would pay my complete way back to Germany. I didnt want that at all, but once again just goes to show that I have an angel!

After staying at my sisters for a few weeks and paying her a weekly rent she tells me that I need to go stay at my moms for the weekend. When I tell her that I am not calling my mom hence I work right near my sisters and cant get to work from my moms, she is turning into a royal bitch! She is the one that told me when I come back from Germany I can stay with her if I pay a weekly amount to her, and it was the easiest place for me to find a job till I go back to Germany at the end of August. She just sent me a text and told me that if I don't call my mom that I can find another place to stay and to take my damn computer with me. WTF! Family members now days (at least mine) are fucking ignorant and selfish! I thought families were to stick together through thick and thin. Well obviously blood is thinner then water in my situation. All i want to do is go back to Germany, I am not hurting anyone nor am I bothering anyone.