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Venting

"Giving up on something that no longer serves a purpose, or protects you, or helps you, isn't giving up, it's growing up." Incubus Dreams - Laurell K. Hamilton There's so much in/about my life that I'm unhappy with. Sometimes I can't see how to break free, but when I read a statement like that, it's easier to identify just what needs changing, and what needs to be thrown out altogether. Even if I don't always know HOW, at least I can see where the problem lies. And then there's Lindy. *sighs* She's perfectly able-bodied, but refuses to work, instead she's living off the disability she gets for her sons' ADD. I watch her sit around, talking about building her dream house, working her dream job, having all this nice stuff... but she does NOTHING to get there, and she's always scrounging for change from her friends & family. It's her business, I know, but how can she be stuck in a rut and HAPPY there? I'm RAGING to get out! I'm annoyed by people who are not living up to their potential, and don't even try even though they have the skills. Like when they talk about having big dreams, and yet they sit on their ass & what, hope it will land in their lap? *deep sigh* Why is it that some people are contented to not work, live off others, stay on this crappy street/in this crappy town? I have big dreams, and am held back by my disabilities. I want to go get a real job, make real money, and provide an awesome life for my kid. But I can't, you see, because even leaving behind my mental issues, I have major physical obstacles. I can't be on my feet for more than an hour at a time. Or sit for very long without my hips aching & my back cramping up. I have to lay down a lot, and you can't do that on the job. I have tried everything, and that's just how it is: I have special employment needs, so I'm self-employed. That pays the bills, but it doesn't make it possible to have any extra or save to move. We're well below the poverty line (less than $600 a month), and barely making it. I'm not ashamed to admit that because I know I'm doing my VERY best. Look, I'm not having a pity party here... Well, maybe I am. I'm just jealous of those that don't live with pain. You don't know how easy you have it. I'm sorry if this pisses anyone off, especially if you are currently getting help from the state or something. I've been there (and I still rent my house as low-income property). It's a necessary thing sometimes. *nods* But if you are just lazy, shame on you. I'd KILL to be able to work and support myself in a style I'd quickly become accustomed to. -Jenny
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