BAD GIRL RETURNS's blog: "uttmost emotions"

well another year approaching and ive thought of all the things i want to accomplish this year..whew ive got a list..dosent mean ill get them all accomplished but im putting my best foot forward... 1..i will accomplish this...quit smoking. 2...be more giving of myself 3...be kinder to others needs 4...fall in love...lol..been tying that for 3 years..lol 5...take better care of my health issues which by the way is improving daily. 6....take time to appreciate the simple things in life that so many of us take for granted.. 7....be more loving to my family..we were never close so 2008 seems like great place to start.. 8...less time on fubar, more time getting out in the real world..im to wrapped up in this game... ok there ya got it..my resolutions..have you made yours? happy new year everyone..

i guess its depression but i ask myself why do i have to feel so alone? why dont men want a woman who can love, be faithful and want nothing in return but their love? why do i go to bed alone and wake up alone crying? why do i live on a dream of someone loving when they satre so damn far out of my reach? why do i believe the I love you's when I love you are thew three most sacred words in the world..why does my heart get broke time and time again? i keep telling myself that in time the pain will end and some day just SOME DAY.... Will the SOME DAY ever come? will it only be when i lay my head in the ground to rest that happiness will finally come....

Today they did rush surgery on my mother...she had a hernia rupture on her. She is 72...her health is poor and tomorrow is mothers day....ive been so sick that i didnt even realize this wonderful woman was neglecting her own health to care for me and my dying brother..I drop to my knees asking God why?Someone told me God has a reason...Well so do I...My prayer is simple and it goes like this: Dear God, I have made a few mistakes and I know I am not perfect by no means. I have a favor to ask of you and it is very easy..Will you take my life and let my moher live? Shes a good woman Lord and she dosent deserve to be hurt like this...Let me take her pain. Let her enjoy what time shehas left and let her be happy.. Thank you God cause I know you are listening...My mother is my world God and I want the very best for her..Thank you God...Amen

A COLD NIGHT,A CRY IS HEARD, A LITTLE GIRL OF NINE. DADDY PLEASE DONT MAKE ME DO THIS, NOT AGAIN, NOT THIS TIME. I WANNA BE YOUR LITTLE GIRL, SOMEONE, I FEEL SAFE IN THEIR ARMS NOT THE MAN YOU'VE BECOME WHO HAS CAUSED ME ALL THIS HARM. AT FOURTEEN THIS LITTLE COULD REALLY STAND NO MORE SHE BASHED HIM IN THE HEAD, CRYING, SHE RAN OUT THE DOOR WHERE WILL I GO, WHERE WILL I STAY, THESE QUESTIONS IN HER MINDIT REALLY DIDNT MATTER THEN, IT WONT HAPPEN ONE MORE TIME. THE NIGH GREW DARK AND VERY COLD SHE HAD NO PLACE TO GO SO IN A HALLWAY SHE SLEPT OUT OF THE COLD AND THE SNOW. WHEN SHE AWOKE SHE REALIZED FOR ONCE SHE WAS FREE BUT NOT TO BE THE LITTLE GIRL THAT GOD MEANT FOR HER TO BE. THINGS GOT EASIER AS TIME PAST AND NOW SHES FULLY GROWN NEVER LOOKING BACK AT THINGS NOT WANTING TO GO HOME SO NOW SHES MADE A LIFE, NOBODY CAN TAKE THAT AWAY SHES FINALLY MADE HERSELF A HOME AND THERE SHE'LL GLADLY STAY ABUSE, A VERY TERRIBLE THING TO OVERCOME.......

i am having very serious problems with a guy known as erik ceo from black knights loving white queens. i wrotr a letter to cherry support and instead of helping me threatened to throw me off this sight for my pictures which i now have had to delete. help me get help. someone out there knows who i can go to. im stupid on this crap. private message me.. help me. this guy comes to my page calling me, whore, slut, white trash, cunt and various other names. hes allowed obviously. says hes friends with cherry support. as a matter of fact i wrote 1 person from cherry support and he blocked me. so are they doing their job. no. they are taking his side. he also went in bounced outs page and changed her password now she cant get to her page. even deleted her pics. please help me. my email a lot of you know so ill appreciate your help....

A REAL POET KNWS WHAT SLAM POETRY IS..I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS. THIS IS DEDICATED TO ALL PEOPLE WHO HAVE EVER BEEN LOCKED UP WHETHER ITS PRISON, JAIL OR MENTAL HYGENE. THEY CRY AND THEY SCREAM, THEY BEG ANF THEY PLEAD, FOR A PARENT THAT CANT COME HOME...... HELD PRISONER BY A SYSTEM THAT DONT CARE TO LISTEN TO OUR CHILDRENS GROWING NEED..... OR HOW THEIR HEARTS BLEED. THEY HAVE A YEARNING INSIDE, A BURNING INSIDE, FOR SOMETHING THEY SIMPLY CANNOT HAVE.... THE PLEASURE HOLDING BOTH MOM AND DAD. BUT POLITICIANS SO FULL OF GREEDPOCKETS BULGIN, NO NEED FOR THE GREEN, NO CARE FOR THE YOU AND THE YOURS... FIVE DIGITS, ANOTHER STATISIC, REPRESENTING OF A WORLD GONE BALISTIC. YOU HAVE A PRICE TO PAY. ITS JUSTICE THEY SAY, SO GET ON YOUR KNEES AND PRAY.... FOR A LIGHTER SENTENCE SEEK REPENTENCE, LIGHTEN THE MIND, GO BEYOND THE GRIND AND MAYBE ONE DAY YOU'LL BE FREE....TO GO HOME TO THEM BABIES, LIFES BEEN SO HAZY... INMATE TO CIVILIAN YOUR FREEDOMS WORTH A MILLION....

PROTECTED: PROTECTED FROM FEARS? NO. I FACE THEM ALONE. PROTECTED: PROTECTED FROM HARM? NO. I FIGHT ALONE. PROTECTED: PROTECTED FROM HURT? NO. I CRY ALONE. PROTECTED: PROTECTED FROM LONLINESS? NO.. I WALK ALONE. PROTECTED: PROTECTED FROM LOVE? YES. FOR ITS A EMOTION NEVER GIVEN........

PAIN. SORROW. SICKNESS. SADNESS. THEY ALL HURT. ALL CIRED BY THE UNIVERSAL WORD. LOVE! I AM NOT LOVED. MAYBE THAT IS WHY I FEEL THESE THINGS.

THERE IS A VOID IN MY LIFE. AN EMPTY DELOATE VOID. ONE NOBODY CAN FILL. ITS A VOID THATS BEEN THERE FOR YEARS. IVE CRIED OUT TO GOD FOR HELP BUT NEVER GOT AN ANSWER. I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AT HELLS GATES BUT WASNT LET IN. I CRIED TO THE ANGELS TO CARRY ME AWAY BUT KEPT GETTING DROPPED. I ASK YOU, IS IT FAIR THAT ONE SHOULD FEEL SO ALL ALONE IN SUCH A BIG WORLD? IS IT FAIR THAT WHEN I FIND LOVE I WAKE UP ALONE AND HEART BROKEN TIME AND TIME AGAIN? IS IT FAIR TO WANT SOMEONE SO BAD BUT YOU REALIZE THEY DONT WANT YOU BECAUSE YOU CANT LIVE UP TO THEIR EXPECTATIONS? IS IT FAIR ONE MUST WAKE UP DREADING LIFE AS THEY LIVE IT? I GO TO SLEEP, HEAD BENT IN SORROW REMEMBERING THE DAYS WHEN LIFE WAS FAIR AND ALL WAS GOOD. NOW, I AM ALONE, LIFE IS UNFAIR,AND I WISH TO LAY DOWN AND SLEEP FOR ETERNITY. BUT IS THAT FAIR????????????????????????????????/????

THE ROOM IS SILENT. THE SUN HAS SETTLED AS THE NIGHTS DARKNESS ENCLOSES AROUND ME.MY PLANS CHANGED, DREAMS SHATTERED. RUNNING TOWARD THE DARKNESS WANTING TO HIDE. I FIND THE SPOT. ITS BEHIND THE PANEL IN THE WALL. I REMOVE IT FINDING THE CAGE HE ONCE KEPT ME IN. I CLIMB IN TAKIG THE SHREDDED BLANKET COVERING UP, EVEN MY HEAD, HIDING FROM THE WORLD. I AM SAFE FROM THE MEN WHO HURT ME, SAFE FROM THOSE WHO ABUSE MY LOVE. ITS JUST ME IN THE DARKNESS NOT WANTING THE LIGHT LAYING THERE COLD. I CRY OUT FOR YOU, REALIZING YOU NEVER EVEN CARED. I DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP KNOWING I AM ALONE. ALWAYS ALONE. NO REAl PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD. LIFE GOES ON. ILL AWAKE IN THE MORN TO LIVE ALONE R MABE I WILL DIE ALONE TONIGHT.....