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If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. .3
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!
When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I'm looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you're constantly getting in my way!
What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'
What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"
A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.
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