A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. ***** HAVE A GREAT WEEK! Will be on when I can.

There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away. ***** HAVE A GREAT WEEK! Will be on when I can.

Sorry friends. Been busy helping people w/ broken pipes, snow damage & problems, damage from ice & downed trees & branches, & electrical problems from power surges & outages. Will be on when I can. Stay safe & warm. GARY

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in. **** SORRY BUSY W/RL. PEOPLE W/BROKEN PIPES EVERYWHERE. HAVE A SUPER SUNDAY!

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. **** SORRY BUSY W/RL. PEOPLE W/BROKEN PIPES EVERYWHERE. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. ***** HOPE EVERYONE HAS A FANTASTIC FRIDAY!

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. ***** HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT THURSDAY!

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. ***** HOPE EVERYONE HAS A HAPPY HUMPDAY!

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments. ***** HOPE EVERYONE HAS A TERRIFIC TUESDAY!

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. ***** HOPE EVERYONE HAS A MAGNIFICENT MONDAY!

Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes ***** HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

I was so poor growing up. If I wasn’t born a boy, I’d have nothing to play with. ***** HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? ***** HAVE A GREAT FRIDAY!

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. ***** HAVE A GREAT OVER THE HUMP DAY!

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children. ***** HAVE A GREAT HUMP DAY! BOUGHT A ROLL OF DUCT TAPE, NOW LET THAT CAMEL BUG ME.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?” ***** HAVE A GREAT TUESDAY! 7" - 12" .....................OF SNOW (what did you think I meant?)

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. ***** HAVE A GREAT MONDAY, TRY TO MAKE THE BEST OF IT!

I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world. Perhaps you’ve seen it. ***** HAVE A GREAT SUNDAY, MAKE THE BEST OF IT!

I asked God for a bike, but I know God does not work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. ***** HAVE A GREAT DAY, THE WEEKEND'S FINALLY HERE

I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today. ***** HAVE A GREAT DAY, THE WEEKEND'S ALMOST HERE