I’m going to drink a lot of vodka & make some bad life choices in order to cover up the bad life choices I made when I was drunk on tequila.

This little girl at panera is either a midget hooker or her parents let her walk around with the same makeup as David Bowie

Do that thing again where you make your boners sound romantic.

I'm not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to shit indoors.

The devil inside is begging for play time.

I never see the glass as half full because I always drink staright from the bottle.