It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just fuckin hilarious!

Vodka is just awesome water!

So I bought me one of those inflatable love dolls the other day. On the side of the box it said “She NEVER has a head ache!” No,but I did after I got done blowing her up.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Drinking a Lebatt's blue watching the PENS eliminate the Sens. Who wants the rest of the season off next ?????

I had to go to traffic school,and they made me watch movies for like eight hours:head-on collisions,mannequins flying out the windshield.At the end of the movie,the instructor goes,'Now what have we learned by this?Umm'Never let a mannequin drive your car?

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person…..think of yourself as a beautiful monkey .

Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.

WOW.. 2,660 fubar drinks later..bet my liver is lookin' real good these days.

Never "changing" and keepin' it real for 42 years now.