When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
If there is no God, who pops up the next kleenex in the box?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Why do people sing Take Me Out To The Ball Game when they're already there?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Should vegitarians eat animal crackers?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Why do people call it a TV set when you only get one?
Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive through teller machines?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If buttered toast always lands butter side down, and a cat always lands on it's feet, what would happen if you dropped a cat with a piece of buttered toast tied to it's back?
If the little black boxes on airplanes are indestructible, why don't they make the whole airplane out of the same material?
If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?
If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
Why do psychics have to ask your name?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
How do you tell when you've run out of invisible ink?
Did ancient doctors refer to IVs as 'fours'?
Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
If time is money, why doesn't money come as easily as time goes?
If the pencil #2 is so popular, why is it still #2?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just live 10 miles away?
Why can't I set my laser printer on 'stun'?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
How come when something is flying overhead, people say "heads up!" Shouldn't they say "Duck!"?
How come nailpolish & white-out bottles are always deeper than the brush?
How come people try something and say, "Eww! This is nasty, here try it." Why would you want to try something someone else thinks tastes awful?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what idiot came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
God's place is the world, but the world is not God's place.
