ok well he's going and there's no stopping him no matter how badly my heart is saying "be selfish you stupid bitch" i cant and wont do it.....i still havnt slept.....over 48 hrs now and well i got to take a 2 hour nap basicly......anywho....well like i said he's going i dont know when but i wont worry about it im gonna focus on getting a job I WONT MOVE BACK HOME AGAIN! i have to this on my own by myself just me and my kids no boys no men no males period.......now johnny thinks im going to have a new guy as soon as he's gone......and well i hate to tell him he's wrong no matter if he believes it or not but still......i know what johnny wanting though...thinking that.....he wants me to move on with my life and find someone new and well.......i wont have time for that im making time for me and my kids thats it......the only time i have is going for mommy and work and school too if im lucky!.....but anyways the point is im tired and i wish i could sleep i cant and im scared my body will shut down again here soon from this and i know its dangerous but its not my fault i just cant sleep no matter how hard i try......and due to the crap in my life and the lack of sleep i cant stop crying and i want to stop crying.......but anyways theres an update ill be back with more later!
