MissAttitude's blog: "update"

I'm sitting here thinking about what has happened in the past week. not only have i been dealing with the everyday stress of trying to make a new life for myself, my daughter and eric but i lost a very close friend who i loved and adored. and still i found time for my friends. i may not have been the easiest person too talk to or be around but i still tried. now that i have emotionally hit rock bottom and i'm finding my own life just as pointless as roger may have thought his was i find myself losing even more "friends" nobody seems to understand what i'm going through and those who say they understand can i really believe them? i'm sick of hearing i'm there for you when you need me and when i look that person up they can't be found. i'm tired of people claiming they know me when they don't know jack shit. in the last 24 hours i have been called some very hurtful names and yet again who was there for me when it happened? i'm told to forget things and let them slide. well maybe i'm sick of doing that all the time. maybe i'm sick of bending over backwards to try to make people happy. as soon as i want to leave what is making me absolutely miserable i'm begged not to go cause people supposedly need me. but yet it's perfectly fine for others to leave me when i need them. just doesn't make sense to me and it frustrates me to no end. i can honestly say i know who is genuine in the fact that they care. i heard the crying and shared the tears. i also know who is nothing but a fake ass mother fuckin liar. unfortunately that person no longer has a profile on fubar to read how i feel. so maybe my long rant on how much people piss me off is pointless but in the end there's that slight chance that maybe i'll feel better.

 

for those of you who truly care about me, you know how to reach me. for the rest who wants to pretend to be my friend just to have a pathetic job in a fuckin lounge KISS MY BIG WHITE FAT FUCKIN ASS!!!!! i know who is real and who is fake. and anybody who needs to question who this is directed too needs to look in the mirror and think about what they might have done or said to piss me off

just when i thought things were getting better i've got to go see a neurologist. i went to the hospital for some simple leg pain and upon examination the dr. realized i have less feeling on my left side. he thinks it's possible that i've had a stroke and never knew it. so now i gotta go for further testing january 3rd. i've also got hematuria which is just a fancy medical term for blood in my urine. oh well i guess shit happens.

my boyfriend came home with me yesterday. finally. sleeping with him wasn't easy lol i kinda got adapted to sleeping alone now he's right there. but it feels so good to have him home with me. he's still on medication for his heart and blood pressure but it shouldn't be permanent. other than that he's doing great considering what he's been through.

steve is awake and off the ventilator.... he's doing real good and admits to his mistakes. he begged me not to leave him and even asked me to marry him which i did not respond. i wanna see if he remembers tomorrow. lol thanks to everybody who has been there with their support and prayers....

he's doing great. had his eyes open today and tomorrow more work to get him off the machine. thanks to everyone who has been there for me through this. you don't know how much i appreciate all of you.

he's doing really good with breathing on his own today. i actually got to see him with his eyes open for like 2 seconds thanks to the nurse who is a friend of his parents. he's still on the ventilator but it's not doing all the work anymore.

some good news today. his white cells are dropping. the antibiotics are working but he's still a long way from coming home. they're gonna start working with him to get him off the ventilator. they said the next week is gonna be rough.

so far he's not responding to any of the antibiotics he's been given. they will be placing a peripheral catheter IV in tomorrow morning. he's still on the ventilator but resting thanks to some medication. thanks to everybody who's been saying prayers and keeping us in their thoughts. i really appreciate it.