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Update and venting

Depression is stepping again so it seems.So much turmoil and strife in the last 2 1/2 months.Sooo many things have changed and not many for the better.I'm not sure exactly where this path is taking me but.. I still follow it with a ton of faith and a little hope. Not being able to work or shoot or anything like that has really taken a severe toll on my life and my attitude.Everything seems to be falling apart.Altho I do have some great things lined up for this month...(which secretly I am hoping will help me feel myself again) I often seem to be unable to find myself again. I'm back to not knowing for sure who I can actually count on and rely on when it really matters.One person has stayed by my side through out this entire ordeal and I owe them alot including appologies.I'm not the kind of person who does very well when I have to break down and ask or get help.The last few months have been more than difficult on me to say the least and the very few who know me extremely well know that. For those of you who don't know it all started out with me becomming very ill for nearly a month followed by severe back injury that is still in the recovery stages.I'm an active person and not being able to walk or run or do things that are simple and typical in normal routine of life.. had really dampened my spirits and frustrated me beyond belief. Yes my back is about 85% healed now.. but still a long way to go til it's at it's best.But now it seems that I may be comming down sick again all due to not being able to keep up my strength and rebuild my immune system and all that jazz.Not being able to do my meditations or even my ceremonies for yule has taken me to some level of depression.I feel disconnected,lost, and definately not my self. But as I stated earlier there are a couple projects comming up this month that I looking forward to and should help in making me feel like myself again.The only obsticales this time is a ride and probably sitters. I'm primarily writting this blog just to vent.Not having been able to create poetry or even write for a while I figured why not just vent a bit and see if it will help to get some of those creative juices flowing again. Along with that... I am starting to stretch and excersize again to see if that makes me feel any better and sometimes it does.At least I'm not feeling like an invalid most of the time anymore. I know the timing of opening my new store ( www.cafepress.com/jezebeltempting) was way off.However, I feel a sense of accomplishment at finally having done it.I had been asked to do this store front for two years and I finally said what the hell and did it..lol Now if only some sales would happen then I would know that it was worth it.You never what is going or could happen if you don't take the chance right? Well.. I finally did it. I'm hoping that this NEW YEAR(2007) will be a good year.I've had two really bad years in a row and I need a good or decent one to let me know that things are on the up and up.I am keeping positive thoughts and have hopes that my future will finally turn around for the better.Patience and understanding from those closest to me and their ongoing support is what I need.I promise I don't mean to be a burden... but all I'm really asking for is some support when I'm at my lowest.For even as strong a person as I am.. even I need my friends and loved ones from time to time as I do have my moments too.. Thanks for reading this rant/venting of mine.I feel a little better getting some of this out and sharing it with all of you.It helps to serve my own mind and well being as well as keeping you all informed as to what is going on with me.For those that I may have or I did hurt in any way.. I do appologize.... I was only doing what was in my best interests at the time.I was trying to save my sanity and my health.If you cannot understand that then you were never really a friend.Sometimes one must do the hard things in order to save themselves.. and yes.. sometimes by doing that... others get hurt in the process. Guess I'll end this now and wish you all a very happy and healthy new year.Count your blessings regardless of how small they may seem and take NOTHING for granted.
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