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317752's blog: "BackLog"

created on 07/20/2011  |  http://fubar.com/backlog/b342451  |  8 followers

Update 08/13/2011

We are going to call this installment "When the going gets tough," because there is an aspect to this recovery process I was never warned about by any of my doctors nor anticipated on my own.... WITHDRAWAL ... 

When the severity of my back problems was fully diagnosed on June 6th, my primary care physician put me on some pretty serious pain meds at that point, then came the first visit with the neurosurgeon and even more serious meds, then the surgery and the morphine/dilaudid/percodan/dyazapam cocktails 4 times a day. For more than 8 weeks, I was pumping my body as full of narcotics as any junkie, and after the surgery, for the next 4 weeks, well lets just say that's a month of my life that I will never get back...

So Thursday last, I decided it was time to crawl out from under the blanket of drug induced stupor and assess where I really was as far as healing is concerned... oh sure, I was doing my rehab walks as ordered and my stretches and standing exercises, and have even lost 42 pounds in the process, but who wouldn't be able to do that as greased as I was on the pain killers.. I mean hell, you could have set me on fire and I wouldn't have known it.

Thursday was not too bad and as the effects of the meds wore off I realized I was not hurting nearly as badly as I had anticipated.  Oh there was still pain alright, but it was tolerable and remained that way throughout the day so I decided not to have a cocktail before bed.  

Then came Friday morning... yesterday... I was awakened by the fact that my pillow was completely drenched in sweat... I mean soaked... I had to throw it away.  I was nauseated like never before and every joint in my body ached like I had the flu or something... I did make it to the bathroom before my first episode of hyperemesis (vomiting), but spent most of the morning there and quite frankly, would not have been surprised to have seen my slippers in that bowl at some point.

About the time I was able to get back to bed, the hallucinations began and either I was finally having one of those flashbacks they promised me when I was doing all that acid... or I was suffering full withdrawal symptoms.  Now it would have been easy enough to simply go mix myself a cocktail, hell make it a double, and make it all go away, but to what end??  Having to relive this morning and what turned out to be the entire day and most of the night again??  OH HELL NO... The pain was tolerable and I was not about to start this cycle over again so I laid in bed and watched the pink hippos and green crocodiles do their dance, drifting in and out of sleep.. sleep in which the dreams were basically the same as being awake so I can't say for sure what was sleep and what wasn't... what I can tell you is, it was no fun and somebody in this process should have given some type of warning about it.  I'll be having a long talk with my docs about it when I see them again on the 23rd..

As I sit and write this, I am still dizzy, am still seeing flashes, and movement in my peripheral vision but for the most part the hallucinations have gone away. I was able to eat, and keep down, a good though small breakfast and the pain is even less today.  In fact, as I sit here now, comfortable in this overly padded chair, except for this lingering headache, there is no pain at all, and although that will change when I take my first rehab walk shortly, I can say here with all confidence, that the healing process is in its last stages and it is now totally up to me to do the rehab necessary to be this "new man" the docs promised me when all this began... and this old Marine is gonna do whatever it takes to get there...

Now, for those of you who were kind enough and did me the courtesy of reading this, I hope you will give me a bit more of your time and read my newest blog, simply called FUBAR.  I have some things to say, both about the site and my involvement here, and while it won't be pretty, it will be from the heart.  And once again, let me give each and every one of you a most sincere and heartfelt  "thank you" for all the love and support you have shown me during this "adventure" for lack of a better word.  It would not have been possible without you.

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