Angelic's blog: "Unsure~"

unsure

I am unsure of who I am anymore.  I feel lost and confussed.  I am not sure if I am even capable of being loved anymore. I've been hurt and my heart destroyed so many times, i dont know if the man I decide to love can ever pice it back together, into its beutiful shape so that it can truley be loved or maybe I am afraid that he will be able to pice it back together and then stomp on it and shatter it again.  But what is worse,  To love again and have the possibility of betrail or to never be loved again by someone at all?   To have still blood and a cold heart or to take a risk?  I am so lost and confussed... unsure of who is real and who is fake.  Scared of the pain, how do you know who to trust your most valued possesion with?  Who will treasure it and who will break it into?  I've trusted, I've listened to my heart... and had it ripped out. Now, my mind, Ive tryed to use instead and it hurts even more.

I dont want to lose love, but I dont know how to be my true self anymore.  I am just a shell of that person.  Its like there is a brick wall that I have built around myself.  How do I tear it down, to let that wonderful loving person out that I use to be?  Is it to late?  Have I already distroyed her? Is the harsh, unbeliving person all that is left, or can  I find the warmth and love I lost so long ago???