As the title suggests, these are two different posts I made about Darrell. The first was before we started speaking "romantically" and the second was about a month into that bit off fluff.
Hey, Minions! I have something that's eating away at what precious little brain cells I have left. I was sleeping, but it woke me up. Well, that and the fact that I was hungry, as I forgot to eat before falling asleep after hanging up with Michael. In any event, I'm going to apologize up front because I'm not sure if this post will make sense. As if any of my other posts make sense...
A couple weeks ago, I met a boy through my younger brother, who is stationed at Fort Polk. Now, those of you who know me know that I keep up with the boys that keep company with my brother. In any event, while talking to Chad, I hear this new voice in the background. I asked my brother who the newbie was. He explained that it was "just Barney, some weird guy." Well, I'm all about getting to know the boys. In fact, I've adopted most of 'em. So, I told Chad to tell Barney hey. Chad grunted and told Barney. Barney, in turn, asked to speak with me. So, we spoke for a bit. It was quite hard to hear what he was saying, as my little brother is crazy and he started yelling that I was a virgin and that I'd remain a virgin forever and any boy that had any ideas would have to 'deal' with him. You know, just crazy stuff that brothers spout. Chad proceeded to hang up, but not before I took down Barney's phone number. Something about his manner made me think he needed a friend. As it happens, I was right. I didn't call Barney immediately. In fact, I didn't call him until yesterday, which was Sunday. I wasn't expecting him to be there when I first called. I had my little message all played out in my head, so I was surprised when he actually answered the phone. I started to introduce myself, but there was no need. Apparently, the fact that I was nice to him a couple weeks ago stayed with him and he recognized me right off the bat. So, we started chatting and we fell into this comfortable ambience. I soon found myself talking with a nice, smart young man. I asked him if he missed his friends and he sort of hedged. He told me that he didn't really have any friends back home to miss. That proved to be a shock to me, as he's a really nice kid. Funny and smart, as well. So, we continued chatting and one thing lead to another. We ended up discussing his home life. When he was younger, his mother and father would throw shoes at his head and punch him. Listening to him, I was heartily sickened. He tried to convince me that they didn't abuse him...they just gave him what he deserved. My stomach turned! I don't mind telling you that this infuriated me. NO child deserves to be treated in such a manner. I don't care if this kid is the meanest brat ever born. Why do 'parents' have children if they're not going to do right by the children? What satisfaction can they possibly derive from inflicting pain on an small, innocent child? I keep picturing this little boy, throwing his arms up to protect his face. I know that it was much more than physical pain. I fully understand that, but I can't get the image out of my head. Just thinking about this is making my stomach churn. Tears are streaming down my face, dripping from my chin. My heart aches for the countless children treated in such a sadistic, cruel fashion. Barney is a quiet boy, content to go about his business and entertain himself. He doesn't seem to mind that the other boys make fun of him. He doesn't even expect to be invited to their little gatherings. Today, the boys decided to have a barbeque and those nerds did NOT invite Barney. They said he was 'too weird'. Gag me. These boys make fun of Barney for being the quiet, accepting boy he is more than they make fun of Tyler for being a virgin. They haven't even taken the time to get to know this boy. Not one of the boys, other than his battle buddy, knows that he can play the piano. He plays so beautifully. He's even composed his own pieces, which are lovely. I asked him if he had played for his mother. He said that he'd played for her once, but it wasn't really her thing. I don't understand how she managed to fail at being a mother. It comes so easily to me. It's just natural. How does one turn away from the child who grew within her womb. His little heart started beating 19 days after conception. She felt him moving, growing, as she watched her belly swell with his little body. Her breasts swelled with a mother's milk for her babe to suckle. How could she have purposely hurt that child? How could any mother hurt their child? I don't understand. I truly cannot get beyond the fact that he believes he deserved it. He accepts it as his lot in life, his cross to bear. What a barren life to lead. I cannot imagine why the other boys will not look past his quiet nature to see the vibrant young man beneath it all. When my brother gets back from Fort Chaffee, we're going to have a stern heart to heart about the way he and the others treat Barney. I refuse to allow them to write the boy off without giving him a chance. I refuse to accept that he deserved what he got. I refuse to accept that it's okay for the other boys to ignore him and call him weird. My brother, of all people, should know better than to treat someone like that. I will not go into detail in regards to that matter, but he knows better! I think one of the reasons I feel so strongly about little Barney is because I know what it's like to feel that you're the only person who cares if you live or die. Awareness. Awareness breeds responsibility. Now, I just have to figure out what I'm going to do with this new awareness. I have at least taken a step within the right direction. I have taken Barney on as friend. I have officially adopted him and if my brother or any of the others give me any lip about it, it is NOT going to be pretty. I have to stop thinking about this. I am seriously making myself ill.
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Barry
I feel two shades of stupid and totally out of my depth. I like Darrell, but I don't know him very well at all! I mean, yeah, sure we talk about a great many things, but we've only been "talking" for twenty-seven days. Wow. Almost one month. The more I find out about Darrell, the more I want to know and it's starting to be inconvenient. When something happens or I start thinking about something, I wonder what Darrell's take would be on the situation. When I have something I need to discuss, I want Darrell's opinion.
You know that I've never felt as though I couldn't walk away without looking back, other than the loss of my friendship with Michael, but the thought of walking away from Darrell doesn't strike my fancy. My head longs to rest on his shoulder and that terrifies me. I've never wanted to rely on someone. I have this horrible feeling that he's going to be the one to bring the mighty Kloey to her knees.
Barry, why'd I have to meet him at this stage of my life? My Grandmother's illness is progressing more rapidly than I'm comfortable with. More often than not, she's slipping back into her long ago yesterdays. She relives her youth and forgets the present. I simply haven't the time for romantic notions to get in the way and Darrell definitely has me considering these romantic notions that I don't have time for.
He's worming his way into my life and rather than trying to prevent it, I'm thinking of trying to encourage it. He's dangerous. He's entirely too witty, bright, charming, and insightful for my peace of mind. There's this level of recognition between us and I don't know what to do with it. He's able to see entirely too much of ME. And the thing is, although it's scary, I really can't be bothered to be reserved with Darrell. The ideal of Darrell is enough to knock any girl's socks right off, including mine. The reality is even more potent. As I said, he's dangerous.
I don't even know what I want out of this relationship. What are we pursuing? Getting to know each other, obviously, but it seems to be transcending that... He's swiftly coming closer and closer to upsetting my equilibrium. I don't want to get involved with him unless we're both willing to make it work. He is stationed in Louisiana until the end of the cycle, and possibly longer. The cycle isn't over until 2008. Let's not forget his impending deployment. He's promised to teach me how to shoot a gun. Can you imagine someone allowing me to handle a gun? My family would be aghast! Southern ladies simply don't do such masculine things!
You know, if we do decide that we're going to head in that direction, one of us will have to move eventually. Haha! I'm on the phone with Darrell while talking to you about Darrell. Isn't that funny? Anyway, I'm done here.
