T has met a guy already...goddammit, i was trying to set up a Doctor Who friend-date. fuck me twice.
Her boss's son and best friend's cousin at the same time.
As i've said before, i want to date her so badly it's ridiculous. She's my best friend, but to be honest, (and i know I've said this before) but i think i'm falling in love with her...i throw that around a lot i guess. but there's no one else around here i can look at. FUCK ME IN THE FACE. Call me obsessed with getting a girlfriend or getting laid, but i'm lonely. Everybody i know is getting into and out of relationships like it's going out of style...or some asshole is treating his girlfriend like shit. I'm right there, a guy that will treat a woman like a lady, and not some piece of meat. But as usual, my built-in perception with a built-in perception filter of its own (so i can't find mine and turn it off) is on full blast. Sometimes i just want to shoot myself in the face from the stupidity...all being a nice guy gets you is "aw ur cute" or every man's worst nightmare "you're a good friend". but then i don't want to be like everyone else because that's how the sheep roll. but fuck...i just don't get it.
i just don't fuckin get it. At all.
I'll be wishing, and cybering the rest of my life.

See, last night was my hometown's Our Town Celebration, with fireworks at ten and a DJ immediately afterward until midnight. I danced till midnight, BSed with various drunken subjects, and went home, ate a meager dinner, and went to bed at 2. Four hours later, I get up, and I'm off to work. That's when shit got real...
Really bad.
It was a day of Murphy's Law...whatever could have gone wrong, probably did.
See, one of my supervisors is a total bitch
She told a couple of assistant managers about two forgotten bags of stuff from today, and I got a talking to...a "coaching", if you will.
Here's the good bit though:
A couple weeks ago, I would, more likely than not, forget at least one bag A DAY (I know, I'm an idiot, but when the customers are coming hard and fast..)
Never got a talking to then.
Three bags in one day? Never got talked to...not that i'm bragging; I hate it when i forget shit. And as a bonus prize, me and another cashier that got off at the same time were going to tell one of the CSMs (customer service managers) that we were clocking out, and we were on the express lanes (20 items or less).
So there weren't any express lanes, and I thought the other guy was gonna stay...we see this particular CSM (Ta by initial) and I turn to the other guy and say, "I just know she's gonna tell me to stay". Lo and behold, she says "we need an express lane open down there" by this time, my fuse is so short, I'm actually shaking. I've never been that furious in my life...furious with myself, furious with her for her sweet-talking voice, and way of looking at you like she thinks you're stupid (she thinks i'm an idiot, i know it).
So I go back to my register to wait for my replacement, who is on a belt (terminology for regular long register...one of the big ones?), and the more i'm forced to wait, the angrier i get. So I do some stress relief with one hand and tap out the heartbeat of a Time Lord, and the angrier I got, the faster I went. I was almost at 240 beats per minute. It was 7 minutes later that my relief finally got here...I was going to empty out the waste baskets under the register. Ta the Terrible comes up and makes some remark about tossing the piece of shit ripped up bags into the garbage instead of the recycling, I had to walk away before responding "yeah, okay"
"yeah okay" she says, and I'm like -shutup shut up shut the fuck up-. It was bad. I have never been that angry in my life...I once lost my temper and shot my mouth off in high school, but I have never in my life been that...furious. It's nuts.
Taking into account the content of the last few entries, I'm really starting to feel like I'm totally losing my shit. What happens when I can't control myself anymore?
What kind of damage will I do?