Blitzed Out lounge- At approximately 6:25 AM this morning a ferret stumbled in to the Blitzed Out lounge. Due to the massive amount of booze consumed the night before, the lounges inhabitants didn’t notice it (except one guy who made the mistake of accusing it of cheating on him). By 7:05 the ferret had made its way in to the DJs booth and, after giving DJ Royal a few clonks on the head, began broadcasting squeaky propaganda. Suddenly the lounge was filled with machine gun wielding ferrets. Authorities believe that the ferrets may still be holding a few hostages the in the lounge.
-NEWS FLASH 7:45 AM: Osama Bin Ladin has claimed responsibility for the ferrit attack.
-NEWS FLASH 8:03 AM: Authorities have confirmed that the ferrets are holding captives. Details on how many hostages and who they are still unknown
-NEWS FLASH 8:48 AM: The squeaking has stopped, authorities fear the worst.
-NEWS FLASH 8:54 AM : The ferrets have sent out an ultimatum to authorities that they are forming a list of demands.
-NEWS FLASH 8:56 AM: The ferrets have denied all claims that they are in any way linked to Bin Laden.
-NEWS FLASH 8:59 AM: The ferrets have managed to chew through the power and phone lines cutting off communications with the hostage negotiators.
-NEWS FLASH 9:01 AM: A notice scrawled on toilet paper written in green crayon was tossed out of a 2nd story window.
-NEWS FLASH 9:05 AM: Authorities have confirmed that the ferrets are currently holding 3 captives.
-NEWS FLASH 9:36 AM: Authorities say they will release the names of the hostages soon.
-NEWS FLASH 10:15 AM: The ferrets have released all hostages but one.
-NEWS FLASH 10:36 AM: Authorities have stormed the building.
-NEWS FLASH 10:37 AM: There seems to be mass chaos ensuing... the police have just hauled out a wheel barrow of...sweaters? ... yes it does appear to be sweaters... and now there carrying out a man... and now they appear to be... giving him a field sobriety test?... and...wait.. wait... YES..they have apprehended the perpetra... wtf?... naked ferrets?...oh wait... the cops appear to be attempting to wrestle a pair of sheep sheers away from the man.
-NEWS FLASH 10:57 AM: Authorities say that the last hostage is in stable but drunk as hell
condition.
-NEWS FLASH 11:08 AM: Authorities are saying that the last hostages name is... some one.
-NEWS FLASH 11:12 AM: We have been told that the ferrets are being charged with conspiracy to be fuzzy and for kidnapping a village idiot. They will be taken back to headquarters to be given a strong scolding and to be put on leashes.
-NEWS FLASH 5:36 PM: The ferrets are now demanding lawyers. However the state claims that ferrets are not protected by the constitution.
-NEWS FLASH 5:41 PM: A district judge has ruled that the ferrets are to be provided with lawyers because "theyre just so damn cute".
-NEWS FLASH 7:10 PM/Vatican Republic: A massive pile of sweaters has appeared in the middle of St. Peters Basilica. No one seems to know how they got there, but all the cardinals agree... " it smells like a ferret". The pope is schedueled to hold a press conference later tonight.
-NEWS FLASH 11:37 PM: Another possible culprit in this still developing case. The ferret was found crawling in some one's pants. When asked about this his response was: "Dess put it there."
