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Anorexia Freedom Rings
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© 2000 ChinaSwan (All rights reserved)
TAKE MY STRENGTH
Little child, wontcha come out and play? Your color don't scare me, I won't runaway! Touch my heart....... feel me near..... Take my strength...... I'll take your fear....... Little child, your secret is safe with me~~ See my back, arms and legs? Black and blue is how we're meant to be! Touch my heart..... feel me near..... Take my strength....... I'll take your fear...... Little child, I know you hurt so much~~ but we must hide those tears, no time for our feelings and such! Touch my heart...... feel me near....... Take my strength....... I'll take your fear........ Little child, fight and scream until the black comes on in~~ bury the days of blood, torture and tears, forget this is a place you've ever been!! Touch my heart........ feel me near....... Take my strength........ Let me BURY your fear........ Little child is no more these days, Battle-scarred woman-child left to walk in her stead~~ A life bathed in darkness and shadows help her survive, An echo deep in the abyss her only proof she's not dead!! Take my heart....... feel me near....... Take MY strength...... I've buried your fear........ Brutal acts meant to devour a soul, pop-up window memories of insanity and play~~ woman ages while the child cries to grow within, drop them both to their knees demanding memories that stay!! Take my heart...... feel me near....... Take my strength..... I'll dry your tear........ Woman remembers all the colors of her tainted past, a sister who matched her eye for eye, the shame, horror, and love they once shared in secret, and the beating the sister took so one would live for two and only the stronger die!! I took YOUR heart...... I FELT all your tears and fear....... I TOOK your strength so great..... I've ALWAYS felt you near....... and..... I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! Can you HEAR???? by ~~Robin Dawn 'China' Palmer 5-22-03 By ChinaSwan
© 2003 ChinaSwan (All rights reserved |
Father, Have Your Arms Grown Weak?
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Sweet Heavenly Father, I fall on my knees crying out to you once more, pouring the very being of my soul out amongst the winds that they may carry my prayers even faster to Your ears. My baby girl, you know the one, I placed her in your care at 15... she's 24 now and her pain is so much greater, more sophisticated, more devastating to herself, and I. I'm doing as you would want, my Heavenly Father... I am raising her two young sons as my own, loving them best as I can, guiding them forward to You despite the doubt that tears at my heart once more. You KNOW, as no other can, how I cry out to you for Amber... as she still can't call to you on her own. She's been beaten, she's been broken, she's without hearth or home, without hope or dreams, without me to hold her.... and I'm dying inside out for the life she throws away! Dear Sweet Jesus, I knew way back when I wasn't strong enough to save my little girl, and my entire being laid her in your arms I swore to stay back and let you work within her heart and life, to create what only you can create.... without my interference. Heavenly Father, owner of my soul, have your arms grown weak? Does my baby not deserve to be held in her darkest of hours? Does she not deserve your mercy as she struggles to find THE WAY? You know how my heart cries run to her... You know how my head screams GO to her... but I handed her over to YOU, Father... and she's falling tonight.... and she's crying tonight.... and she's alone tonight.... and she's cutting herself tonight.... When that phone rings, Father, will you have dropped her? or will I hear you've taken her home? and her pain will be gone.... even though she has never called out your name? or will her sons and I, bleed once again for everything she promises, for all the pretty words, for all the new scars to come.... because you wait for HER to call YOU.... that wasn't part of the bargain when I placed her in your care..... when she was just 15.... now 24..... and now more lost than ever. Dear Heavenly Father, I offer up my soul to YOU, now, this day, this minute.... if you'll just save my baby! PLEASE FATHER, Hear my prayer! by: Robin Dawn Palmer ~~I love you, Amber...FOREVER! 10/03/2009 By ChinaSwan
© 2009 ChinaSwan (All rights reserved)
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My SWAN Song
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MY SWAN SONG Can anybody hear me? Is anybody there? Will anybody listen? Will just one person care? Can anybody see me? I’m starving my life away. Will anybody reach me? And ask me to live today? Can anybody touch me? Feel the pain I have inside? Will anybody dare Look in this place I hide? Can anybody love me Imperfect though I am? Will anybody save me? I’m a frightened little lamb! Can anyone imagine How much I want to live? Has anybody noticed I’ve run out of things to give? And will anyone take notice Of what this disorder does? And will anyone remember The me that I once was? By ChinaSwan
© 2009 ChinaSwan (All rights reserved)
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Mom, Can You Hear Me?
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it's been 45 years, mom... a lifetime for me, but not for you... so please don't go! the earliest years weren't shared as mother and daughter... my soul was shattered by the son you didn't watch close enough... and you ran in shame from the place you held in my heart. i never understood what i'd done wrong, why you stopped loving me.... i never understood why grandma took over me, and grandpa held me closer to his heart than he did the others.... i never understood, no, never understood, why i always felt so ugly, so inhuman, so completely invisible to you after that day... and i was only 4! mom, he raped me, said, done, can't be undone.... it took 22 more years for you to tell me it wasn't my fault... that you believed me, that i wasn't unlovable.... that it was your guilt that kept you back, that kept our hearts not apart, but jaded to each other... and that it was from love that you gave me to grandma and grandpa! they were dead when you finally told me... too late to raise me then, too late to make it all better, too late to be my mom.... but it wasn't too late for us, mom... not for us to make something better, stronger, more secure than typical mom and daughter.... and it was slow, often painful, alot of stops and starts.... but we have it now, mom... a solid friendship. things are really bad for you now, mom... i don't know what to do to help you, to ease your pain, to lighten your burden, to stop the future from coming so fast... and i can't face what a tomorrow is going to bring... the end of our friendship, the end of your life... the death of MY MOM!! mom, can you hear me? i love you!! yesterday, i loved you! today, i love you! tomorrow and forever i will always love you.... please fight even harder... like MY life depends on it.... don't give in, don't give up, don't let go.... can you hear me, mom? i NEED you to stay! i NEED you to keep loving me! i NEED more time with you... time to change what was... time to build more memories of now... time to understand why God is taking you away from me when we've just found each other again not so long ago..... mom, can you hear me? i KNOW time is ticking... i KNOW how much your body is hurting... i KNOW how you long to go, but still really want to stay.... and i KNOW you love me now... that you loved me then.... that your love will live forever within me..... mom, can you hear me? i promise i'll be okay... i promise i won't hurt myself... i promise not to forget that God brought us back together in time... and i promise to move forward with my life to make you proud of me. mom, can you hear me? PLEASE don't leave me.... but if you can't stay, i pray God takes you fast now... i pray no more pain for you... i pray for paradise to be everything you deserve.... i pray for the angels to lead you in and for grandma and grandpa to meet you at the gates of forever.... but mom, if you can hear me.... know how much i want you to live..... if you can hear me, won't you come home once more? Robin Dawn 'ChinaSwan' Palmer ~~December 9, 2009~~ Obviously dedicated to my mother who has a rare, terminal disease that has entered the end stages, so every minute is precious By ChinaSwan
© 2009 ChinaSwan (All rights reserved)
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