Kiss My Asp's blog: "Ode Dear - collection of silly poems"

Written spring 2009 after fighting to create a net cage over our potted cherry tree, that wouldn't touch the ground for the ants to climb up!

 

I took up gardening to relax

But we're beseiged by snail attacks

Yes we lost a juicy hosta

Through gastropods having a snack

(If I ate French, I'd eat them back!)

I'm fooled no more by spring birdsong

I know what they're plotting all along

They watch as I secure the netting

Laughing, planning how to get in

And clear our tree of its ripened cherries

In practice for those swelling blueberries

They tell me that we need a cat

To tell the truth I'd thought of that

But next door's mog's our garden sitter

She comes each dawn, pees on the lawn

Mistakes it for a tray of litter

Dandelions are killing our grass

So I adjusted the mower

Made it cut lower

They're such a pain in the ..

.. Asphalt seemed like the right idea

For a driveway that'd look good all year

But the workmen didn't fit the drains

So now we get flooded whenever it rains

I'm gonna get a gazebo

It looks great on display

The Japanese instructions say

"Erected in a day"

It'd look so fine, this build of mine

If I knew where to start

But it's no good, some chunks of wood

When you're missing vital parts

Last year I planted raspberries

I was warned that they might spread

Now where the pond was gonna go

There's a hundred canes instead

For our summer bedding display

There's Sweet William and Phlox

And half the street's discarded trash

Thanks to an urban fox

Ants are digging out new nests

The greenhouse is chock full of pests

I'm really trying not to panic

As I've been told to go organic

I've put away the killer spray

Those pests will live another day

The season draws unto its close

I tried this year, lord only knows

And reached my goals, despite the holes

(I'd like to thank those passing moles)

Our brassicas have got club root

The birds have stolen half the fruit

At least the tender plants weren't lost

When we had a late spring frost

There's blackfly on the runner beans

The toms have spider mite

All our peas have popped their pods

And the spuds have suffered blight

Undeterred I soldier on

No surrender's my decision

I'm proud to say that at its peak

Our garden looked a vision

I've heard they say you've got green fingers

If someone  comes, and looks, and lingers

Admires everything you're growing

Just a few weeks after sowing

So I entered into a Best Of.. show

I knew I wouldn't win it

The result summed up my summer's grow

But I enjoyed every minute!