Johnnymontana's blog: "Thoughts on the Sundry"

I had to have a colonoscopy last month, my first.  The doctor said it was time.  I remember thinking is there ever really a time to have someone stuff a hose up your butt? Now I am not a prude and I realize there are some that would relish that thought.  I am not one of those people.  I have an extensive medical background and they made me take anatomy in college and I understand the function of these various anatomical areas quite well.  That part is not meant to have things go up it.  I do know that it is important to have these tests though and it can save your life so as a public service to those who may be skiddish as I was I am going to report on this event to ease your fear and perhaps encourage you to have one.  No pervs, not four a day...sheesh.

The first thing you need to know about this procedure is that the worst part is the night before.  The medical folks send you a jug of liquid to drink the evening prior to the test.  It is a very strong laxative.  It is not a two tablespoon dose.  It is a gallon jug or at least seems to be a gallon.  The instructions said to drink it all and stay close to a bathroom.  If I ever have to do this test again I learned you want to have lots of reading material, can take a course in astrophysics, probably write a book, work on your computer, if you have a laptop, don't try taking a desktop in there with you, and much more.  The idea is to clean out your system to make things as pleasant for the doctor as possible.  I remember after finally feeling as though I was cleaned out I never wanted to eat again after all the trouble we went through to get that hummer sparkling in there.  My attitude is that staying clean is a good thing but I just never thought about that area needing a good power wash. 

The procedure itself is not bad.  I have been going to the VA for years cause I am a Purple Heart vet.  They do not believe in giving heavy sedatives for anything. They believe in paralyzing you for most procedures.  I am not making this up. So by the time they wheeled me into the procedure room and turned me on my side facing a huge big screen tv I could have cared less if Patton and his army were going up me and it was fine if they wanted to camp out for the night. We should be allowed to have that drug everyday. Life would just be less stressful cause we wouldn't mind anything going on around us.  Come to think of it that might not be such a hot idea.  I do remember asking the doctor to tell me when he started the procedure.  He said he had already begun and looking at the big screen facing me confirmed that as I was being transported up a darkish narrow chamber that looked incredibly clean thanks to my efforts the night before.  Now if you think about it this is a unique opportunity.  How often do you get the chance to travel around in your colon?  I served in elected office for many years and had a few folks say I had my head up my butt but I can confirm that I did not recognize anything I was seeing so those disgruntled constituents were incorrect. Before I knew it the whole thing was over, and by mid afternoon I was back to my normal self, normal being a relative term in my case.  

I hope this has been some help for those of you that may need one of these unpleasant procedures in the coming years.  I can tell you it is painless and really only takes a couple hours.  The view is unique but you can't dance to it.  The beat is awful but itt can save your life.

I tried to help Doc Murney find the hidden polyps. I did not find any but he found three.  All snipped out and benign.  I was home in a few hours and back to my old self that evening.  Well worth the piece of mind.