After talking with Lynn and Crystal, I think I may just go to the benefit. They want me there. It feels good to know that people still want me around. They said something that brought me to tears tonight...
"them" (10:35:57 PM): I'm sorry you live so far away
"them" (10:36:03 PM): And we can't be there for you
"them" (10:36:08 PM): The way we'd like to
"them" (10:39:03 PM): Lynn said she loves you
I think I would seriously fall apart... like fall apart and never get back together if it wasn't for them. Crystal and Alec had a falling out, and I've been disappointed on more than one occasion by her but those words... made me feel like I was still cared about.
Alec asked me if I was still going to go. I told him I didn't know. He asked if I wanted to ride with him and her. The offer was nice... but I told him that if I go, I would not be comfortable being in a car with her. *shrug* not right now. I don't know if I will ever be comfortable with it, but right now - no. I'll deal with it because his happiness is what is important to me, but I'm not going to put myself in awkward situations if I can avoid it.
I've been playing phone tag with Lesa since she's been up here. I really want to see that girl before she goes back to Texas. She was one person I knew I could count on in TX. Even when we didn't talk to each other for months, I knew I could still go to that girl when I needed her... and the same for her.
I'm going through a really tough time in my life... Tougher than anything else I've experienced. It was nice having someone to talk to... someone outside of the situation. Someone that was honest with me, but still made it known they care.
