Top Four Adult Jokes
Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he
does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The
man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I
know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your
elbow, I'm in room 221."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------
Third Place :
One night, as a couple lays down for
bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and
says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want
to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes
later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
"Do you have a dentist
appointment tomorrow too?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------
Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had
been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess
to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his
penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex
therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed
to
overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later,
Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously
wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told
you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.
"Yes, I did." he replied.
"My God,
Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened
with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired
too."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They
were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think,
fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I
know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a
jaybird
fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old
times."
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the
table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't
be surprised," replied Gramps.
"One's in your coffee and the other is in
your oatmeal."