ahh seems i always think on things in my life way too much. expetially around my birthday which was monday. just thinking bout life relationships money and many other things. which for me since i usually wind up spending most of my life alone while most my friends are gettin married havin kids good family pretty much a complete life. while myself ya i can aford to do what i like most the time, but ya know something what does it matter when ya spend most your time doing things and what not alone by myself. even around what few friends i have i usually feel alone. then again doesn't help they usually either are married or atleast got good g/f's. while me all i ever seem to freakin get involved with are women that turn out to be total utter wastes of time and energy. been trying to keep myself busy with vehicles and what not but just not managing good enough. is it really too much to be able to find a woman that i can spend time with maybe even the rest of life, but nooo i gotta keep gettin involved with cheaters, liars, or women that turn out to of just wanted sex and nothing else what so ever. which ya just sex is ok but god be up front about it don't bs me just to get it.
then ofcourse there have been times in the past women i have been nothing but friends with turning to me for a shoulder to cry on and at the time telling me how they wish their b/f was more like me. when heck i'll gladly admit many of them i would of gladly gotten involved with but noooo i'm too good of a friend for that. i really hate being who i am most the time. either being walked over or over looked for one reason or another. and yes i am in abit of an agravated mood tonight.
there have been ones i have told how i felt and most the time they just thought i was joking or told me i was too good of a friend. now adays just too tired of it all just ain't got much energy or heart left to deal with it most the time anymore. in my heart i do want to but just not strong enough for it much currently in my life. once in awhile i can manage abit though.
