fatzgalore's blog: "Too much thinking..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9zKJ5nNC18

Regrets night sweats Occasional thoughts of suicide Green light I'm OK Feeling fine just a little tongue tied Old habits die hard and I've lived so fast And I know it's a long way down Tempting me Tempting you Tempting us in all we do Can't make a move Show me a sign What is your will It's a....... Long long way Between sin and sacrifice Lost sleep, count sheep Can't see them to get my mind off of things Toss and turn, candles burn Grinding teeth and night endlessly Old habits die hard and I've lived so fast And I know it's a long way down Tempting me Tempting you Tempting us in all we do Can't make a move Show me a sign What is your will It's a....... Long long way

how 'bout getting off of these antibiotics how 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up how 'bout them transparent dangling carrots how 'bout that ever elusive kudo thank you India thank you terror thank you disillusionment thank you frailty thank you consequence thank you thank you silence how 'bout me not blaming you for everything how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once how 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you how 'bout grieving it all one at a time thank you India thank you terror thank you disillusionment thank you frailty thank you consequence thank you thank you silence the moment I let go of it was the moment I got more than I could handle the moment I jumped off of it was the moment I touched down how 'bout no longer being masochistic how 'bout remembering your divinity how 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out how 'bout not equating death with stopping thank you India thank you Providence thank you disillusionment thank you nothingness thank you clarity thank you thank you silence

If I keep holding out,... will the light shine through? Under this broken roof,... it's only rain that I feel I've been wishing out the days,... come back I have been planning out,... all that I'd say to you Since you slipped away,... know that I still remain true I've been wishing out the days,... Please say, that if you hadn't of gone now I wouldn't have lost you another way From wherever you are,... come back And these days, they linger on And in the night, as I'm waiting on The real possibility I may meet you in my dream I go to sleep If I don't fall apart,.... will the memories stay clear? So you had to go,..... and I had to remain here But the strangest thing to date So far away And yet you feel so close And I'm not gonna question it any other way There must be an open door For you to Come back And the days, they linger on And every night, what I'm waiting for Is the real possibility I may meet you in my dream And sometimes you're there And you're talking back to me Come the morning I could swear you're next to me And it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I'll be here Come back Come back I'll be here Come back Come back I'll be here Come back Come back

I'm still sick as hell and I'm having some problems dealing with a few things. I'm physically and mentally weak right now. I don't really know what my motivation is by sharing this. But I would rather get it out of my head than to dwell on it.