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Southern Mystery's blog: "Too Hooah!!"

created on 10/29/2008  |  http://fubar.com/too-hooah/b255658
A LITTLE TOO HOOAH You Might be a LITTLE too hooah If.... the only time you and the spouse eat without the kids is at the unit "dining out". you always back into parking spaces. you have to look up your parents phone number, but can dial the CQ, SDNCO, company, battalion and brigade with no problem at all. each page of your vacation atlas has two routes marked. your favorite author is Mike Malone or Tom Clancy. when your kids are too noisy, you announce "at ease!" you don't own any blue ink pens. your leave always occurs during the last week of September. you keep a box of MREs at home and in the trunk of your car in case of emergencies. when talking to relatives by phone, you end the conversation with "out here." you refer to your spouse as "Household 6" or CINC House." you've seen Patton enough times to memorize his speech. CNN is your favorite program. you call the Post Locator instead of Information to find your friends. you take the family camping with no tent or sleeping bags. your kids can speak three languages by age eight. the only suit you own is your Class A uniform. you carry your pager to the shower. your vehicle is registered on post and in two different states. you convince your spouse that all ten of your guns are necessary for home protection. you have more money invested in TA-50 than in your car. you tell your kids to go to bed at 2100 and they try to explain that it's only nine o'clock. the allotment column of your LES has more entries than the entitlement column. no one understands the stories you tell because of all the acronyms. you can explain the Gettysburg battlefield better than directions to your house. your kids know the words to "she wore a yellow ribbon." your two-year old calls everyone in BDUs "daddy". the phone book lists your rank instead of Mr. your spouse hasn't unpacked the good china for twenty years. your monthly BAS goes to the mess hall. you ruin the movie for everyone around you by pointing out the unrealistic military scenes. you live on post so you can hear reveille every morning. your family calls you "Sir." all your jokes begin with "there was this soldier, a marine and an airman..." you feel compelled to get a haircut every three days. all of your shoes are military style, except for one pair and that pair is your running shoes. if you are convinced that coffee is a nutrient. your home town is convinced that you are a foreigner. your first impressions of civilians are that they all need haircuts. all of your underwear is colored OD Green, Brown, or White. civilians exercise and you conduct PT. you feel guilty about leaving work at any hour. if all of your friends wear dockers. you only wear those dorky military glasses or the geeky aviation glasses. when your kids categorize other kids as either military brats or civilian slugs. if the phones in your home resemble the standard military version. if you answer your phone at home by explaining that the line is unsecure. if your spouse owns several military cookbooks published by family support groups. if half of the mementos in your house are from Korea or Germany.
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12 years ago
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