Topaz's blog: "Today"

" Truly To Love...and To Be Loved...

    Is a CHOICE...We MAKE Daily" 

This year:

It's been a tough,rough year...We were so fortunate NOBODY in my immediate family had cancer....Well surprise!!!

One after another,My Mother,Father,two Aunts,a cousin,then I lost my Aunt this year...Another Aunt still coping with difficulty in recently being blind....Still another emergency surgery....Dad had two this year and about to undergo a third in Dec....

My favorite Aunt....She was a fabulous person....I shall miss her terribly...Then my Grandmother...not one cancer but two!!!...God always hears from me....But more now than ever.To make matters worse my "baby" ended up with the diagnoses...Thank God they were wrong....He only had to have tonsils and adnoids removed....

OhMyGosh....when will it end?....My sister jsut called.NOW she is in the hospital with a tumour and they are operating in the morning....

I miss those days when worry was over silly things...Like where is the money coming from for bills?...Why do my relationships end the way they do?....Is somebody going to need /want me today?Is Our Great Country going to become a bigger mess?....You know....silly things.

It now is filled with ...Are they going to be okay?...Is there anything I can do/say?.....

I miss my friends....On-line...and off-line....Divorces/death/seperations.....This tragedy with Ft Hood ......So close to my loved ones....sigh...Lord I know you hear me...Can it all be fixed somehow?.....( Yes,I know in my heart....)

I suppose I truly must keep the Faith...I know we are all blessed ...somehow....and I count those blessings daily....Still loving those in my life...Still Grateful...Still...well...praying hard.

The few that know me here....The few that have touched my life and my heart....Y'all mean so much to me and I do not forget you....Thank you for the prayers and well-meaning wishes....

So throughout all this I am learning....Learning whom are truly  my friends...What is important in life....Where my strengths lie...and how... oh so ver much I depend on God to carry my family, myself through everything.

Times are uncertain,Somedays smiles are few.

But all that I am....Comes from only you...

Thank you for blessings For those that care...

Thank You Lord for everything

Thanks my Friend for being there......

After so much time and prayer....You have helped me to realize that our time together is truly ,completely ended.Never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that it end this way.Never did I think being kind to someone would cause so many problems.Never did I believe opening my heart to care about another person would make it so difficult for ANYBODY. Never did imagine I had so many faults ,as you were clear to point out to me,that could hurt someone so much.

Never ....did I ever think by praying with you ....for you ....I WOULD be the one to ruin our friendship.Never did I think I would cause you so much anger .....maybe....just maybe....you were right.I was irrational,hysterical,loud,and hard to get along with...maybe becaused I cared.Maybe if I never wanted you to be at your best.

Maybe...had I been better at my "job".....Maybe realizing you were right along about everything.Maybe.....just maybe......I had never made you so angry ......Maybe if I helped you more....Or maybe if I never caused you any grief at all.....Maybe If I had been a better friend.....Maybe if I made you smile more.....Maybe if laughed quieter ....Maybe if my drummer beat more to your tune.

Maybe......just maybe.....we would Never be here.....

I cannot be more than what I am...I apologize if that is not good enough for you....Maybe.....one day you will realize ,I truly loved you.....Never......though will my heart be the same .Be well my friend,be happy.