"There's only us, there's only this, forget regret or life is your to miss. No other road, no other way, No day but Today." - RENT!
Last night after my daughter went to sleep, I sat up watching a movie and surfing the internet. It is convinant that the movie I watched was about the betrayl of a man's loved ones and friends. I sat up thinking until a few minutes ago and decided that there were some things I needed to get off my chest. Not as a vetn but on a serious, from me to each and every person I have in my life or had in my life recently. This is meant to be hurtful, just truthful. It's true you never know how much time you have in life and the more you sit around holding things against people the more you are wasting time you can never get back. I'm not living with grudges or regret anymore. Like some people say, No day but today. Stop worrying about the furture because you may not have much of one. The past doesn't matter because you can't change what is already done. Live for today because you never know when your time is up and this will be your last.
Joe- Thank you for 3 years of marriage. We had so many ups and downs and every now and then things are still crazy but during our time together I learned alot about life and love and myself. Together we have a beautiful daughter who is my world now. I wouldn't trade a single minute of my time with you even if I knew that things would end this way. To tell you the truth, I'd probablly do it all over again. I gained a hell of alot more then I lost.
Sarah- You are Tinkerbell and I'm your Peter Pan. I can count the number of fights and disagreements between us on one hand, and for both of us that says alot. When we met, you were a crazy, happy girl, and I was just a junkie. You stuck by me and I stuck by you and you became my family. I'm glad you came home because truth be told, my life hasn't been the same since you left for Florida 4 years ago. They say the only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in thiers. Well, you've said on more then one occasion that you need me in your life and while I'm being honest, I couldn't picture my life without you in it. Everything from the Fort, to the Triple Threat or the Cabin. When all else is falling apart it's those moments that bring a smile to my face and I remember what it means to be a "ride or die" friend, and I am thankful that I get to have that friendship with you.
Amber- Okay so, since I'm being honest, you and I don't always get along. To tell you the truth sometimes you irritate the hell out of me to the point where I want to sew your mouth shut, but in return I know sometimes I do the same to you. We come from two completley different walks of life you and I, but when I was younger, and times were at there worst, you were there. For that, I still owe you my loyalty. There are some debts in life that you can't repay, this is one that it may take a lifetime or two to give back. Ergo why if you ever need me, I'm there. I'm thankful for everything you've done.
Katie- For being the quiet and shy one of the group, I sure have laughed the hardest when I'm with you. Summers at your house are the kind I will spend my evenings telling my grandkids about if I live that long. You came into this group after most of us had been friends for a decade or more, but you fit right in, made a place in our hearts for yourself and I can say I could never in any lifetime replace you as a friend or sister. You always help me see things the way they can be, and you can help me see a perfectly fucked situation in a positive way. That is what I love about you.
Dan- When you got with Katie, I wasn't sure what I thought. Then we got to know each other and I think you may be my soul brother. We have the same humor, dislike the same people, and can be as mean as we want to one another and niether of us get offended. No matter how dull the night is, you always have some crazy way to make everyone laugh and have a good time. You've helped me through becoming a single mother and made it that much easier for me. Thank you.
Suzette- What do you say to the person who saved your life on more then one occasion? Thank you just doesn't seem to cut it. Your like the mother of the group and that's how I knew you were going to be a great mom when Kylie came along. Hell, as young as I was when you met me, you can take some of the credit for raising me. We've seen countless friends die and you always said you'd be looking into my casket one day...aren't you glad I proved you wrong just this one time. I love you, more now then I ever have. You are a awesome person and a irreplacable friend. Fierce and gentle but that why we all love you.
Matt M.- So, when we talk I find it amazing that we have only know each other since October of '07. Less then a year. I think you may know me better then anyone else. Thank you for trying to fix the things that are wrong between Me, Judy, Bryan and Crystal. Thank you for giving me solid advice and for keeping my ass in check and telling me when I was wrong. I tend to be a hot head but you never left that stop you from making me see reality. Your honest, loving and loyal as I don't know what. You have become family to me. Even through this situation you never let anyone tell you not to talk to me, you followed your own heart and for that I am greatful. More people in the world should be like you. If they were, this would be a hell of alot better of a place.
Judy- I think it is time for me to just let go of this petty drama. I care about you. I cared about you when I first got to know you and that hasn't changed. You are a great person and those who get to have you in thier lives are lucky as hell. You were my Obi Wan Kenobi. Gave the really good advice but I was always to stubborn to take it. One day, I hope we can sit down and talk like old friends, but until then I want you to know, that whether you hate me or not, I'm here for you. I always will be. All you have to do it ask.
Bryan- Thank you for bringing up my spirits when they were down. I was always worried that I wouldn't be able to pay you and Judy back for the nice things you did for me, and you always said I was doing good and to just keep moving in the right direction. I'm still trying and believe it or not when some things happen or look like they might, I still hear yours and Judy's advice in the back of my head. Thank you both for everything and I am very sorry that so many people got thier feelings hurt by the shit that has been going on. I hope one day you both forgive me for anything I have done to you.
Tim- You without a doubt are one of the coolest guys I have ever met. I am actually glad you dated Amber because if you hadn't I never would have met you. You are a great guy and I know everyone sees that about you even if you don't see it.
Crystal- I really cared about you at one point. I don't hate you or anything. To hate someone you really have to give a damn about what is going on with them. I don't anymore. If you are happy with your life and what you are doing then I am happy for you and that is all that matters. Good luck in all you do and I wish you well.
