TO MY DEAR WIFE:
>>
>> During the past year I have tried to make love to you
>>365 times.
>>
>>
>> I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once
>>every ten days.
>>
>> The following is a list of why I did not succeed more
>>often:
>>
>> 54 times the sheets were clean
>> 17 times it was too late
>> 49 times you were too tired
>> 20 times it was too hot
>> 15 times you pretended to be asleep
>> 22 times you had a headache
>> 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
>> 16 times you said you were too sore
>> 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
>> 19 times you had to get up early
>> 9 times you said weren't in the mood
>> 7 times you were sunburned
>> 6 times you were watching the late show
>> 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
>> 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
>> 9 times you said your mother would hear us
>>
>> Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not
>>satisfactory because:
>>
>> 6 times you just laid there
>> 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
>> 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
>> 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
>> 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you
>>move
>>
>> KEEP READING.......
>>
>>
>> TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
>>
>> I think you have things a little confused. Here are
>>the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
>>
>> 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
>> 36 times you did not come home at all
>> 21 times you didn't cum
>> 33 times you came too soon
>> 19 times you went soft before you got in
>> 38 times you worked too late
>> 10 times you got cramps in your toes
>> 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
>> 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in
>>the balls
>> 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
>> 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
>> 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
>> 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it
>>all day
>> 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty
>>book
>> 98 times you were too busy watching TV
>>
>> Of the times we did get together:
>>
>> The reason I laid still was because you missed and
>>were screwing the sheets.
>> I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what
>>I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
>> The time you felt me move was because you farted and I
>>was trying to breathe.
>>
>> Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.
>> This game has been played since 1996.
>> You must send this letter to 7 people.
>> On the 5th day someone will ask you out or say "I love
>>you."
>>
>> This is not a joke.
>> It has worked for many years.
>> If you break the chain,
>> you will have bad luck with guys/girls forever.
>> This is just for future readers.
>> This began in 1996, not much of a past, but it works.
>>
>> So here are the rules:
>>
>> If you read this on a Sunday, wish for a good week
>> If you read this on a Monday, wish for money
>> If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love
>> If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success
>> If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you
>>want
>> If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot
>>date
>> If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important
>>phone call
>>
>> Send this to seven people (after you make a wish).
>>
>> Make sure it is sent as soon as you read it or your
>>wish won't come true.
>>
