Nkk's blog: "To much thinking.. Not enough sleeping..."

Ok well i was with my bf for 5 months... Loved him to death but he broke my heart... I feel sorry for that poor bastard when he realizes that what he did was wrong! I have been the best gf i could be and that is not good enough for him so i will find someone its good enough for!!! He left me like it was nothing... Hurt be bad for the first day but now its the third and my eyes are finally open and tearless. Time to go out and have fun without worrying about him!! WOOHOOO!!!! sometimes its better to be about urself instead of all about another.. another is who isnt all about u at that... it hurts but in a way its great to be SINGLE AGAIN....

I have been up way too long.. Im so tired but i have so much on my mind not even my meds can help me sleep tonight.. Its 5am and im thinking about bills, moving, the whole boyfriend situation.. (my bf is driving me NUTS!) and sooo much more... It all started about 3 weeks ago.. I started having a strange pain in my back.. Well 2 weeks later the pain had gotten so bad that i couldnt even get up from my bed.. Mom rushed me to the hospital at 4am and they said i sprained my back.. Im now on two pain killers and a muscual relaxer.. The pain isnt n e better when im not on my meds either.. so i dont know what the fuck im gonna do when i run out... Then... My dad called me 3 nights ago about 8pm.. I was at work. He was in the back of a cop car on his way to spend the next 3 months in jail for being the fucktard he is... I was standing in the fitting rooms at work trying not to get caught by a manager for talkin on my phone.. It was kinda hard considering i was crying.. Ok i take that back more like sobbing... I had to take a break to have a ciggarette and think about the shit that had just been dropped on me.. Its so hard to think about how things are now when they were so perfect 3 years ago.. The whole bf situation is so messed up i dont know what to do about it.. I love my bf with all my heart dont get me wrong its just i want to be treated better.. Is that so much to ask? I want to know he wants me and i dont feel like he does half the time.. Plus im getting all worked up about his ex gf situation.. That bitch drives me fucking insane. Whenever her name is even said i get all weird.. This has never happened to me before but then again i have never dated a guy who still has his ex on his phone plan and constantly lets her fuck him over... I dont know.. She thinks its none of my business but what happeneds to my bf and his money i believe is my business.. Exspecially when we cant go out cuz he doesnt have money due to her pure stupidity... Man that women is fucking stupid.. So n e ways.. I have been working a lot which is good cuz i sure as hell need the money... Too many bills and not enough money coming in to get them all paid... Who woulda thought that when i tured 18 i would have so many bills already?! NOT ME!!! Oh well its life and im getting back handed full force by reality.. Thats all for now.. Thanks for reading! **~~N!kk!~~**