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So in two months, I've lost 1 friend, my friends mom who helped raise me, two aunts and as of Monday, 2 uncles. I've moved to help out another aunt and uncle while my uncle is sick, going in and out of the hospital for surgey, and left all my friends and the rest of my family at home. I have to look for a job in a place I don't even know. I've been sick for the past two weeks and might have to get chest x-rays to find out the official problem. I'm stressed out constantly and trying to deal with a lot of shit that's being put on me. I thought that a certain person actually gave a shit and cared about me, and turns out, he only wanted what was easiest for him and truly doesn't care about anyone elses happiness or well-being but his own. I tried. I'm tired of people bitching at me about shit that I have no control over and then getting pissed at me for not being in the mood to joke around or even make any attempt to boggle myself more with constant contradictions between actions and words. Sorry, but I've got a lot on my plate right now that I don't know what to do with. All I wanted was that stupid childish fantasy that there is someone out there for everyone to be true and that I had found the one for me. Or at least to be able to think that someone I cared about really meant all the bs he was spitting my way. I've never felt this shitty before, and I'm sick of trying to explain myself or my emotions. I'm a fucking girl who bleeds every month, gets irritable, and pushes away anything that's even remotely good in any aspect. I've given up the past couple years to help out other people and try to appease everyone, and nothing's been good enough. I'm done. There's nothing left to say or do but go on pretending like the douchebags around me matter and that anyone elses happiness is more important than my own. Cause if I don't do that, I'll just be alone and have everyone around me think I'm a cunt for having my own interests and inputs into MY life. So yes, I may be bitchy at times. But, if you actually give a shit enough to ask to or to make that small attempt at understanding with your brain instead of doing whatever your cock tells you to, I won't act like such an asshole to you. And to that certain someone that brought me to tears once again tonight, you were right. I am too cute for you. And I'm way to good to have someone treat me like meat or someone he thinks he can just keep pulling the strings on and make me do and feel whatever he wants. I wish I did buy that ticket, at least I'd have someone else to go to when you'd act like a selfish jerk.
