Shorty2008's blog: "Time to vent!!"

I sit here trying to play everything out in my head as far as what to do about all my decisions that I have made,the mess up's and the people that I have chosen to fall for. Lord knows that I have made alot of mistakes and have made alot of bad judgements. I try my hardest to make everybody happy and go out of my way to make u happy and I always seem to fail, I am starting to wonder what the point is of trying anymore. I try to be happy, joyful and make good choices and like always that seems to fail also. I wake up everyday with every intention that I am going to make the right choices and be the best person that I can be, but when things dont go right it seems like I am a horrible person and that I am just a f*ck up cause I let u and everybody else down. I hate feeling like I am torn between 4 different people and all of them wants me to do something different. I try to better my life and better the person that I am and it doesnt seem to work either. I know that if I had somebody by my side who would stand my me no matter what and give me advice when I asked for it, It might not be so bad. I feel like I have let u down and that I have ruined anything and everything that there could have been. I have never felt this low b4 and I hate how it feels. I will go to bed with the intentions of making 2morrow a better day and hopefully find a way to make u happy. If all this is wrong then tell me something....what do u want from me? 

As I sit here all alone at night I tend 2 wonder about things. After going through everything that we went through so far and never said sorry, would we be how we are now? Maybe if we said sorry and just left it at that would it still be the same? I wonder these things sometimes and I get alot of thoughts that go through my head. But in the end all I have is the happiness of knowing that we are back where we were and working together 2 make things right. U are the kind of person that I want to wake up to every morning and see ur face. I want to laugh with u and hope that u can laugh with me. When i see that u are smiling it makes me smile to, and I know that at some point u will be able to be open and find security when u look into my eyes. I want u to be open and feel safe with me knowing that I feel the same about u. I want to be in ur arms every night and feel safe with u. U are the one that I have always dreamed about and wanted in my life, the one that I know i can be happy with and share all my thoughts with. As we lay there just holding each other and taking it all in, I glance up at u and see that u are smiling and that one smile that I see on ur face will let me know that one moment made u happy. Reguardless of if I am THERE, at that point u will win me over.

You say that u care about me but do u really? U want to be happy and have someone and not be alone, but do u really? Seeing new things and different people tend 2 be the big issue, but is it? I hear that u want to be with me and u cant seem to get enough of me but is that what u really want? Would u ever be able to find something that u dont like bout me or something that will bother u over time? There are alot of things that I chose not to share cause u always change, I dont know what to say or how to feel. U make everything seem so wonderful and that we could be happy, but do u really feel that way? U ask me what it will take for me to trust u again and what it would take for me to get close to you again, well here is ur answer..........just love me!

This is what I want. I want to for once to find someone that I can be happy with and  feel like I mean the world to him. I want to be able be comfortable talking with that person about anything and not regret what I say. I want to be happy,silly, I want to feel like i am the one of the greatest things his life and have him feel the same way. I want to feel pain, heartache and frusteration so that i know that it is real at times when it doesnt. I want to be different and not be judged, have emotions and not be laughed at and differences and not be critisized. I want to feel like are always 2gether no matter how miles part us and to know that know that no matter what we are always there 4 each other to rely on for comfort,guidance and a little reassurance to know that everything is ok. That is what I want.

 Everybody says that there is only a one true love for everybody and when you find that person you will know,you wont question it or second guess it. Lately I have been really confused cause I hear about all my friends being "In Love" and they just know it cause they can feel it. But then not long after they say that there is always another person that they like but they like them both in the same way and wanting to progress it and see which one lasts longer and who gets on there nerves. I guess I am wondering "Is this love"? Does anybody know what love is? Is it just a word that people say to make themselves think that they care about a person or something that they say to please the other person? Another thing is others say "Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder" is this a accurate saying? If this was/is true then why is it that long distance relationships dont work,even if it is for a short period of time? Does that saying make any sence,or the word "Love" or the feeling of being loved really exist?Or do we( when I say we I am referring to everybody) say it to make ourselves think that there are stronger feelings and more emotion when we say it? Or do we think that it will make the other person care for us more than they allready do?Can there be some kind of a feeling that makes us feel like we are the only person that the other person see's and makes us feel like we are floating in mid-air when we around the other person? And if so,is it "Love"?

Hey Im back again! Today has been the most Irritating day ever. People tend to ask me why I have a hard time believing people or I just think that alot of people are liars? Well that is because they are, at least in my experience they are. I cant like someone and think that what they are telling me is the truth, and then all of a sudden there it goes everything changes and all the things that they have said is nothing but a bunch of crap! Go figure, I never have the luck where I can talk 2 someone and believe what they say and in the end it is all a lie cause they feel like being an ass and not talking to me bout something or asking me things for themselves. How irritating that I cant make arrangements for something and actually stick to it cause someone feels like being stupid and always has to find something to ruin it, not once but twice! How irritating that I cant talk to someone cause I have no clue if it is going to piss someone off or have the other person think of that conversation in the way! So I have come 2 the final thought that I am just not going to be the nice and friendly person that I am and I will start to become the bitch that everyone wants me 2 b, but I do that and there will still b a problem now wont there b? Either way I go everything is going to be just Irritating!

Ok i need to vent. To all the people that know me and who fall in this catagory thanx. When I talk to someone and I make plans to come see u and take time off of work and look into flights and then all of a sudden I never hear from u and u never respond back that is some shit! When I talk to you and u have nothing to say and it is your idea to talk to me, U are wasting my time. If u cant be honest with me and u have to lie to talk to me and play fucking mind games, u are a fake mother fucker! I always am honest and I always try and keep to my word. I dont do phone sex or take my clothes off on web cam so stop fucking asking me to, cause all u are doing is working on getting yourself deleted from my page and u are a waste of my time! So to all u people that are fake and liars dont bother getting to know me or sending any friend requests cause I will not accept them, I find out that u lied to me and played ur childish little mind games I will delete u, cause u are a waste of my time!!