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soooo im starting a new leaf in life and i figured i'd start writing down my thoughts and views... not that it would do anything but get stuff off my mind.
these blogs are not to prove anything or really relay or help anyone. so please no nasty comments or crude remarks. im no writer and i sure as hell am not writing to please or impress anyone.
... so with that being said... where to start.. .. .. ..
not sure really. im still trying to find myself. for a long time now ive been digging a hole i cant gett out of... debt, love loss, no family, and depression. i smoke pot to ease my pain and to let my mind finally wonder off of everything that brings me down. no i am not an addict or a pot head, " although i jokingly make the comment that i feel like a pot head". lol. i do like to drink when i have the ability to but now a days im too broke to even buy the eccentials. but enough of all that.
im a cook for a resturant ... " and when i say resturant i really mean a seafood and steak express spot". there are only 4 at the moment but the buisness is expanding. .. the only problem with it is the fact that 1, its in a college town and they opened up when all the students are gone. so there behind on paying the staff by a month. 2. no advertizements to really tell people that their there. and 3. the owner/manager is in my opion still a greenhorn to the resturant industry " particularly in running one." and hes kinda flying by the seat of his pants. its a good place to work and im fortunate enough to be one of the few that still work there... from a crew of 20 kitchen workers and about the same for servers and hostests. we are down to 6 kitchen workers and maby 5 or 6 front workers. im trying to find a seccond job at the moment but its kind of hard for me at the moment... ( thats a story for another day).... im gratefull for what i do have right now but i feel like something is missing... something isnt right in my life... as for what im not really sure but thats where the whole " im trying to find myself" comes into play.... i feel like ive worn masks for so long trying to fit in or trying to be what other people think i should be or act. i feel like i lost myself a long time ago and since ive been beaten, broken, down and out... i figure im so deep in the bottom of my hole that theres no other place to start than now.... i know im a good man... i know things will get better for me. and i do have a sence of hope ... i know that once i had everything.. and now i have close to nothing... and the only way to have what i need in life is to step forward and work for it. one day ill get things right and work everything out but for now im just trying to be happy with what i got and try my best to do better tomarow and the day after that. ...
sooo with all that being spewed out there ... i feel better... not for a sence of just getting this off my mind but ... it just feels better to write it down " so to speak..." anyways... ill try to at least write something down once a week or more if i get the chance... my poems, my music, or just randomness that comes to mind when i get a few bong hits in me... but to all who read this... thanks for taking the time, and if you feel the need to message anything feel free... but please, dont be trolls. ...
one love one life... nikko.
