I'm tired of people trying to hit on me... I'm tired of all the people who hover around me, and try to talk to me constantly. I'm not talking about my friends or loved ones, i'm talking about strangers.
So lets clear something up... I'm going to tell all of you people something that has fucking hindered me and thats fucking scared me. I was fucking molested when I was 15, and probably about raped if I didn't fucking leave as fast as I fucking did.
I have a bit of a phobia about older people I don't know. Its hard for me to get to talk to older people. It's really hard to even fucking break my shell... It took me a while to be able to completly open up to Mark.. and I love him dearly.. but hell.. Just becasue he is a little bit older makes it so fucking hard to open up all the way. Its been over 4 months [[which i know isn't the longest time]] and I still find it hard to open up... But once he gets me going it's the easiest fucking thing.
So people... don't think that i'm fucking ignoring you, or I'm rude, or something like that... I'm not one of those snobby teens who hates people... I'm there... but I'm pretty much afraid...
what kills me is that... I could be so much better if that one event didn't rule my life... I could be a better person, unhindered by a fear of people... And although I hate it so damn much, I can't seem to get over it... to conquer it..
This isn't a plea for help, this is something to help you, the reader, understand the mind of Jess more... I'm not rude or snobby... I'm afraid... and I'm sorry I am the way I am.
