bx9er's blog: "thoughts..."

Breaking Breaking when you have a degree and all of the 24 interviews you went on say you dont qualify what the fuck do i have a degree for? Breaking when you go to catch a cab and damn near get hit by one. Breaking when your lady leaves you for another man just for the curiosity of his race. Breaking when you grow up being told that you’re stupid so many times you believe you are. Breaking when you get beat with everything that your moms can get her hands on. Breaking when you standing right next to your classmate and they get gunned down and aint shit you can do but freeze like a snowman. Breaking when you’ve done things that are against your own morals how the fuck can you even be called a human..The only thing that separates us from the animals is our morals.. Breaking when you’re blessed with a gift but scared to use it. Breaking when your when you let your past heartbreaks stop you from allowing any others, so you indirectly push them away… Breaking when you grow up fatherless, raised by women so the kids teased you and call you faggot cause you don’t know how to be a man. Breaking when all the women you get into only want you as a friend mainly because you don’t know how to be more. Breaking when you have to draw your own blueprint on how to be a man.. Breaking when you don’t know how to love yourself so how the fuck can you love anyone else Breaking when you get molested in a church so you lose all faith in the church Breaking when your family treats you with less respect than a bum on the street Breaking when your grandmother goes for a walk and is never seen again, my best friend why didn’t she let me walk with her. Breaking when you become more of a problem to ppl you care about than a friend, there’s no need for me to be around then is there.. Breaking when depression calls and you bury it with jokes Breaking trying to hold on to the promise you will never commit suicide Breaking knowing that a car accident from eight yrs ago may have your days numbered Breaking starring down the barrel of a gun of someone you betrayed. Breaking the cycle of pain to finally allow myself to begin to heal…. Breaking knowing that I am at the point where I am broken and all the pain and heartache I’ve kept bottled up is time for a release…I’ve reached my breaking point. Next is healing…

Fun Adult Facts 1) 94% of men lie about their dick size. According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need to use extra large condoms. 2) The average man is 4-5 inches long when erect; no matter what you have heard ladies, that's the truth. Incidentally the average vaginal capactity is only 6 inches, for you women who think you can handle king dong. 3) 80% of American men are circumsized, though Pediatrics say it is not necessary. 4) No matter what all the ads say nothing but time can make your penis grow. (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20's) 5) There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size, or nose size. 6) Blue balls does exist! It's technically called "prostatic congestion." 7) Only 16% of men shave their privates. +Some stuff on the ladies+ ------------------------------ 1) Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves "attractive" (20% of British women do). 43% of women use the term "natural", 24% say they have "average" looks, 8% prefer the term "feminine", 7% say they are "good looking", and 7% say they are "cute", and finally only 2% of women say they are "sexy". 2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra. 3) 60% of women have had breast implants. 4) 75% of women like giving/getting oral sex. 5) 95% of women shave their privates. +Both+ -------------------------------- 1) Masturbation is healthy for both men and women. 2) 70% of highschoolers have had sex before they have graduated. 27% loose their virginity senior prom night. Only 3% wait until marriage. 3) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1 month of dating. Only 10% of women feel this way. 4) Teens are most likely to have sex for the first time in June. 5) First-time intercourse is often unplanned, meaning it's less likely teens will use contraception. 6) Virginity is often lost with a person they haven't been dating. +5 Reasons Why Sex is Good+ --------------------------------------------- 1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every half an hour. It will lower your cholesterol and improve breathing circulation. 2) You won't get sick. According to research if you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick. 3) You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women who dont have sex. 4) Makes you look better; problem is that ugly people don`t get any. Sex releases hormones which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique. 5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to 10 years younger than you really are. Did You Know? ---------------------------------------- 1) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up to running 75 miles!!!! WHATEVER YOU DO TODAY MAKE IT GOOD!!!

I've worn so mnay skins its impossible for one to claim me. A soul trap in a vessal longing for its release. Color nor race will never define me, a being in this world but not of this world. So when I say that I am different listen to my words for it is a higher being that speaks through me with every breath I take...

Hidden Love Here we are together, yet alone. A starless night left the moon to beam with all its might. Lost she hears his name, calling her home. His words, whispered softly through the winds. Within this moment, she knows she’s no longer alone. Silence which once consumed has lifted her tears from stone. Here we meet, although worlds apart. Their heavenly gaze now, bringing them home. For each others arms, are aching to feel a love not know. A distant longing, a tepid heartbeat, all joining to carry the stars to you. My love and laughter ring true, calling to you. Beyond the oceans, a new horizon is seen. Is it my silent lover, whose shadow I’ve yet to see? A journey as now has begun, to join these two. At night when the day is done, once more she is whispered too. From within a magical dream, we are together. The mist majestically unveils you to me. In this moment, she is no longer alone. Her heart now beats in step to another’s moments. Here she is safe, guided to his light. Her dreams bring them together, for this one magical night. Until his flight which brings him home to her arms, for the first time.

A soul so innocent, lost in sorrow, longing to be delivered into happiness. She’s lost in a world of desires longing to feel the lips of passion press against her flesh. The freedom of a dance floor, which in her mind will be like dancing in a lily field. As she gracefully moves about lost in the trance of the music many people are around even one person is dancing with her but she doesn’t see him nor hear or see the others she lost in the moment. As though the music it self is a time machine, she fast forward through all the pain and unhappiness in her life to the time in her life when she will truly be happy with the person she loves and she know he loves her. All her life she was in hiding, hiding her heart protecting it like a mother to her children. She wishes for someone to come along and delivery her from her sadness. Through all the fail relationships, the flings and the heartache she has found him, a person who is giving and sharing that will help her get over the cross that she is baring. He has delivered her into happiness, she doesn’t have to worry about the fail relationships anymore she doesn’t have to worry about a lustful fling anymore he is the one that pulled her though. The music has stop the night is over and just like that she is back in her world of sadness. But through the music she has seen what her future has to offer, and only the strength of hope which lays deep inside her will carry her to that day the day when a serraangel is born out of the grips of despair into warm loving arms of her future life mate.

Sadness, which I look upon like a warm sweet apple pie resting on the window of a plantation house kitchen window. In my sadness I’ve found joy, through my sadness I knew that I could feel emotions without my sadness I am left with nothing but an empty void which no emotion would dare to be conceived. I go through my sadness and ask it to deliver me into humanity show me what’s it like to feel, the pleasure of a hug like a father to son or mother to daughter. I ask it to pull me to the realm of humanity where I can be loving and caring, so that I might just one day be giving and sharing to my fellow human being. I embrace my sadness with great joy for through my days on this earth it is the one emotion that never fail to let me down, it always came around and never deserted me like that of love, happiness and anger. No matter how much I tried to do right by people I always seem to fuck up. No matter how much I am there for a person I am always alone in the end. No matter how much I am willing to open up and give unconditional love to a person I am quickly met with rejection. I once use to experience all emotions that was a long time ago they betrayed me as if I was Native American being promise my land by the settlers. Sure I had the emotion of love but like a good squatter always do it only stayed around long enough to be seen once seen it disappeared as if it was a ghost. I learn from you my sadness we as humans chase after so many emotions but you are right there with us never leaving because we always come back to you and you welcome us with open arms. They say nothing last forever even life long lovers have the clause to death do us part. But sadness you found away to beat that and always remain with us after all I never seen a person not be sadden at a funeral.

Passion my thoughts are at the conception of a thought. Twisted neurons pulsating my temples looking for away to escape! No I can't let them escape!! Thoughts become words, words become verbs, verbs are nothing but actions that sooner or later will become tangible. My thoughts are as deadly as ether but as smoothing as a kiss to the forehead. I can not let my thoughts sip out for if they merge with his thoughts and her thoughts then it will be our thoughts.......NO NO NO NO, I just want the passion behind my thought……BACK…. Her thought lacks passion; His thought is just plain evil. Can I please just have my thought back; I never meant to share it with him, her, them, they and now we….are WE…Look at what become of my shared thought, holocaust AK-47, 9mm, Semi Auto's, Anthrax, HIV...Why ol Why did I let my thought escape, 1812, 1941, Desert Storm, 911, Operation Freedom revenge for my father’s attempted assassination. My thought was never meant to be shared. Its to late there's no getting my thought back now others infiltrated my thought and redesign it so many times I don’t even know the passion behind my thought anymore. But with the once of passion left my thought called out to me and said to me, 'I never should of tried to escape in you I had passion and love. I am no longer that passionate thought anymore others have merged with the innocent I intended to extend to the world and changed me. So with my last ounce of passion I shed to you a tear of sorrow for I am no longer a thought anymore...War is what they call me...

Do not judge me for the color of my skin. Race does not make the color of my skin but creates the culture, which I am derived from. Humanity creates the person I am for if my skin would be any color other than what it is, wouldn’t I still be human. Is it wrong for a person to be their own person without the shadowed judgment of others? Does my skin color have its own voice, does it yell out to you when it interacts with a person of another skin? If so what is it yelling to you, two skins not of the same color are in interaction so you must speak on it. And speak you do, oh she is just tryna fit in, why she gotta come and take all the fine men doesn’t she have enough in her own race. She is ok to fuck but I cant see myself marring someone outside my race. Why are people so vain to let something as simple as the color of a person skin affect their view on someone.

Rejection a word that bonds to me like an umbiblical cord to a mother. When I am cut free from it, the false interests and false hopes of love and happiness creep in and impregnate me all over again with seeds of rejection. They lie dormant, undetected sometimes only a few wks, others only a few months but there are those strong seeds of rejection that can lie dominate for yrs. You’ve felt them since their conception, in the pit of your stomach, corner of your mind bottom of your heart, but you ignored the first signs of pregnancy, thinking that person is really into you for you and they just might be the one. silly rabbit, tricks like that aren’t meant even for your worst of enemies. Affairs of the heart are global warning becoming tangible. after all, what other single word throughout history has caused powerful nations to fall, depression, and sins of man. Rejection of the heart like no other causes ppl to fear the possibility that love can exist between two ppl unconditionally. When it comes to the word rejection, I am pro-abortion.