2828317's blog: "Thoughts"

Nothing matters anymore
I've turned away and locked the door
I've turned the key and closed my eyes
Let spill the tears and stop the lies
I want no more to do with this place
I want to leave without a trace
To pack my bags and disappear
To have no regret to have no fear

To abandon all my life long dreams
To stop the nighttime nightmare screams
To leave behind the pain and despair
To move on with existence without a care

If only this could all be true
To go away and start anew
But I must live with these tears and lies
So I'll lock the door and close my eyes

Have you ever walked into a room,
and witnessed a miracle?
To see such grace,
That your heart wants to stop
but races out of control.
To fall into such a hole
that is filled with such happiness.
Yes, its true!
An angel does exist.
For I was touch by his presence.
To be so captivated,
No, im in awe!
Such beauty,
Why does his smile cause me to feel so weak?
That Eyes that pierce my soul,
His aura is so becoming.
I feel that I am in a dream with every second im in his space.
I wish to never close my eyes.
For now my mind drifts and my soul reaches out to the sky.
Suddenly- my eyes blink and truth bares itself to me again.
I look and notice that I'd lost my dream once again.

When God calls little children,
To dwell with him above.
We mortals sometimes question,
The wisdom of his love..


For no heartache compares with
The death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world
Seem wonderful, and mild..


Perhaps God tires of calling
The aged to his fold,
And so he picks a rosebud,
Before it can grow old..


God knows how much we need them,
And so he takes but few,
To make the land of Heaven
More beautiful to view..


Believing this is difficult
Still, somehow we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows
Will always be "Goodbye"..

So when a little child departs,
We who are left behind
Must realize, God loves children..
Angels are hard to find.

I woke up in heaven; just at dawn the sky seemed to have been painted by no less than the hand of God. The clouds glazed across the sky like ocean waves, one after the other. They were soft hazy clouds, and they seemed to have been copper plated. Indeed they shined in copper red orange shades. I must be in heaven; nowhere on earth one could see shinning clouds, which seemed to be blazing copper. The sun was coming up in the horizon and in just seconds the copper clouds turned into a gold that was like no earthly gold. This golden clouds shined with no less than the majesty of the sun itself.  The sky was blue so deep it almost seemed purple and the trees around me couldn’t be greener. I must be in heaven; nowhere on earth dawn could be this pleasant. It isn't hot nor cold and I just saw shinning clouds turn from copper to gold, and the only sound I hear is birds singing away sweetly. Earth couldn't possibly feel this amazingly good; I must be in heaven. I'm not dead but instead more alive I've never felt before, how can that be? I'm in heaven though I never left earth only I'm with you and only you. The Greatest Treasure Life's greatest treasure is true love. Out of all the riches of this world, true love is the most precious one to me. More precious than the most valuable gemstones. True love shines more brilliantly than the rarest of diamonds. True love is completely flawless like not even the best of emeralds can be. True love is pure blue; not even the greatest of sapphires can be compared to it. True love is clearer than the most transparent lavender color. True love out shines the purest of rubies. True love shines brighter than the finest silver or gold and it is more solid than the purest platinum. All the money of the world can't buy true love.  Love is very precious but it can’t be found just by digging in a mine not even if one mined the whole world for an entire lifetime. It just can't be found that way. True love comes by itself, freely, effortlessly, and it is not a worldly treasure but a heavenly blessing that mostly comes but once... But oh what to do when it comes? I'm in a world where everybody is afraid to love. And even more afraid to be loved. So what do I do? I don't want to be afraid of getting hurt anymore. I'm tired of this loneliness that surrounds me. I feel trapped in this world. And I also feel trapped inside myself, trapped by my fears, trapped by the pain and sorrow of my past. My past is a past, which though it has passed it still remains as painful memories, that my psyche uses to self inflict myself, trapping me in a room of sorrows. A room filled with my failures, my loses, my fears, my most hurtful pain, my sufferings, and all my worst nightmares. And there I sit in this room that has no door no way out. Needing perhaps more than I could give thirsty for love, dreadfully needy of attention, and affection. Self-destructing myself little by little, sometimes with out the slightest clue, and other times, consciously aware of it, but helplessly hand-tied.

Allow me to be my own person accept me for who I am. Not the person others think I should be. Sometimes I have a lot to say and don't hesitate to say it, but sometimes what I have to say can only be read in my eyes. Understand me my moods and my feelings on days when I’m feeling sunny and on days when there's rain in my heart. I'll never go back on a promise and I will always be there for when you need me. Understand me trust me and the bond between us will be impossible to break.

If my soul were made of glass
I'm sure that you would see
It's cracked in many places
And it's hard to tell it's me
The cracks started long ago
I can't remember how
Perhaps it was my childhood
I really don't know now
I can't remember younger years
No matter how I try
But it must have started there
When I began to live a lie
Drinking parents do confuse
Mixed messages all around
What's a child suppose to do
When hatred does abound
They love us when we all behave
That's all fine and good
But when you start to be yourself
They make their rules understood
Do as I say; not what I do
It's a crazy mixed up place
Especially when you're growing up
And it's always in your face
Do I try to please
Or should I run and hide?
It really doesn't matter
When no one's on your side
Too busy parents never listen
What's a child to do?
They don't know who they really are
Am I me.....or Am I you?
Yes, I'm sure that's where it started
So very long ago
It only goes to show you
A child reaps; what his parents sow
Thank God, He gathered all my pieces
And brought His tube of glue
He's putting me back together now
With a promise I'll be brand new.