x YUMz x's blog: "Thoughts..words"

I sat there in deep thought

with no cares of what was going on around me.

People moved about, like fast forward in a movie

All I wanted was to be with you one last time.

I wanted to here you laugh, tell me im making to much of it

I wanted to know that I can walk thru your door and your right there.

 

But when I walked thru your door, it was dark, sad, empty.

You weren't sitting at the table, reading your books,

You weren't there when I sat in tears wishing you were still with me.

 

They say time heals all wounds.

Why hasnt this healed??

Why does my heart ache every time,  I think of you.

Why did it happen to you, you were stronger then any of us.

You laughed at us all when we made a big deal out of everything.

You had such strength in you, that it flowed of onto all of us.

 

What am I gonna do Ma?

This hole in my heart aches.

 

I miss you more then anything, and I wish it wasnt this way.

 

RIP MA

 

Well I leave tomorrow morning.. for a 6-7 hour road trip with 3 kids under the age of 4 an 8 year old & a 19 year old that acts like shes 10... yay me! lol thank God for TVs in the car... and maybe they will sleep half the way *cross your fingers* lol. anyways imma miss u all xoxo to everyone ... *lix && bites* Yummiie

To all the low life fucks that think they know a person based on who they talk to, I just have to say.. YOU KNOW NOTHING. The other day I had this guy wont say any names, but I had this guy come at me saying I had no self respect because of the people I talk to online. You see I work in a lounge, and at one time it was grouped with another lounge. AND EVERYONE KNEW EVERYONE. Well this guy that had the nerve to say something about me was in this lounge long before I came along. And the things that went on in these lounges had nothing to do with me. Yes girls did stuff on cam, more then a flash of the boob, or a view of the butt. They did anything and everything "THEY FELT LIKE DOING" am I going to judge someone based on what they do on cam, or how they entertain themselves. NO. Why am I not gonna because it's freaking ONLINE. See I rarely ever take what goes on, online to heart because of the fact that its online. But this guy had the nerve to call all these girls "WHORES" because of what they did online, they didnt show themselves respect according to him. See when he used that "WHORE" word I took that offensive, because he has no idea who these women are in real life, or what they do. But because of what they do online he is going to judge them. Now because I am with this lounge that broke away from they other lounge, Im associating with a bunch of "WHORES" according to him. And that the "LOUNGE OWNER" is just an online pimp basically that gets these girls to do what he wants, makes them do what he wants... now tell me how do you make someone that isnt even in the same STATE as you let alone the same room as you do something they dont want to? Yea odd... I know this owner and honestly I think he is a very nice guy, he has never once asked me to show him ANYTHING, or even remotly talked dirty to me. And these girls that this "OTHER GUY" says were forced all I gotta say sweetie is... "IF THEY DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, THEY SURE AS HELL WOULDN'T HAVE". But you know the best part about all this is... this guy thinks the lounge he is with are perfect angel's HELLLOOO no ones perfect nor an angel. The girls in the lounge he is with are girls that were part of this other lounge.. so does that mean hes callin the girls he lounges with whores as well? All I gotta say is don't judge me based on who I talk to. I am far from what you think I am. Im the jokester, the shoulder to cry on, the smile at the end of a bad day, just because I talk to people that do things that I myself wouldn't do doesn't mean I am just like them. Self Respect comes with knowing your limits and knowing how to not cross them. So if you "NO NAMED MAN" wanna judge anyone judge yourself becuase you have no room to talk about anyone else. Tata For Now Yummiie

So my year on fubar.... Well I joined fubar for the basic reason, someone used that wanna see more pics of me lines, and it was hook line and sinker.lol. Fu became my get away from real world problems. At the time of joining I really needed that get away it was the one month anni. of my aunts death and I wasnt taken it well. I got sucked right into the lounges right away, and learned the meaning of ONLINE DRAMA lol. People were taken things so serious and I always thought wow its just the computer. Well little did I know this was gonna become part of my life.lol. I moved around fubar making friends, that im still friends with till this day. I ran into people that I knew in real life and hadn't seen in years. It was crazy and I was loving every minute of it. But like everyone you some how get your feelings mixed up in all this Internet fun. And I went and got mine involved, thought the guy was the greatest thing on earth lol, little did I know I was just alittle fu stepping stone to him.( i can laugh at this all now cuz ive stepped out of the fu bubble) lol. So this guy used all those great lines on me.. he loved me wanted me to come see him yadaydaya. Then I was like wow I let my feelings get way to involved in this I didnt wanna trust another soul on Fu. That's when across this group of people on fubar. They are funny as hell and were always there for me. We fought we stopped talking every little thing you can think of. But in the end we still are friends... We all became a family in lounge known as Club Rocka Fellaz. This lounge isnt open anymore cause one night 2 of us got heated at each other and acted like immature people. It wasn't one person doing it, it was a to person deal. And i'll admit i was one of them. After that break in the family, my heart actually broke alittle after telling myself time and time again i wasnt going to allow my feelings to get involved I did. I opened my heart to not one but many people. And because of one stupid move a family was torn. If your reading this then you all know what im referring to, you guy's have become more then a internet conversation to me. You are real people with real emotions and blood running thru your veins. I hate that this break had come, and I wish I could take it back everyday. But I still feel like we are strong enough to get thru rough patches and keep the friendship/family we created on this site...(love you still my rocka fella family). So thats where im at in my fubar life... Thats just alil bit of my year on fubar... Yours Truely, Collie aka YUMz

When things get rough, I look for you. When life is a big mess, I look for you. And when im looking theres nothing. Because your no longer here. You were taken from us far to soon, Its just not fair that life is made this way. I always though, hmm will she see me meet that right guy, or see me with my 1st child. I always thought you would be there. I never thought that u wouldnt. I guess to me it was so much easier to be dumb to reality then to believe it. Now im needin you for all ur advice, and theres nothing. I sit outside and I think if I talk to the stars, just maybe you can here me. And just maybe you could show me alittle sign. I miss you so much, I love you.

Well today my mom told me she couldn't hold it in anymore. Yup that's when she told me my cat Cleo was killed 3 weeks ago. Cleo was an outside cat so I never questioned why she never came in, but she always came around at night to sit with me on the porch, or to just lay around. Blah, this really sucks.

The clouds move in such a pace, It makes my mind dirft. I start to think back to when I was little Laying on my back and picking out the animals. It takes me back to time when things were so easy, So peaceful. There were so many things going on, But it never touched my tiny soul. It was as if I had a Gaurdian angel standing behind me, To ward off any bad that was to come my way. These clouds that have paced over millions of eyes, have seen the worst and best, of what our lives are. In some little way they have touched another soul, and brought them back to a time where things were just so much easier, They bring you back to your first kiss, to the feeling of butterflies in your stomach, to the exact moment their lips touched yours. Such great things these clouds have experianced, But yet such horrible things as well. They have seen the pain of loved ones cryin out for help, They have cried their tears of rain, for they can not help. The clouds have seen what we cant, and felt what we do. ~Colleen W~

I watched my aunt pass away because everyone was so worried about my uncle they didnt see she was sick. Now everyones worrying about my father and not realizing that my mother is just as bad. She puts off her health problems and concerns to be their for her children. It kills me to think that I can lose her, shes my best friend and the only one that knows my hopes and dreams. Hell she even knows about every guy in my life. I dont know what to do my father just told me I have to be the bigger person and hes puttin it on my shoulders to deal with this. Because she isnt listening to him. That I have to get my brothers and sisters together and let them know that our mother isnt doing good! This is the most unfair thing in the world to know that someone u love is not well but wont take your advice. Im tryin to be the bigger person but all i get is hot tears running down my face, and thoughts of what if things dont get better. Idk what to do:(

Right now im laying in bed and thinking how can life seem so peaceful. Just hearing the sound of the wind sweeping through the trees causes this surreal feeling as if for just this moment everything in the world is ok. And with that thought you slip into a peaceful slumber. Just as quick as it comes it falls because the thought of waken up to a cheerful morning is no more. There is such termoil in the world that it causes changes every where. Not just for our lives but the lives of the generations to come. Do i just dream this or is this what i will wake to?

Have You Hugged Your Carebear Today!? Happy Birthday To You Happy Birthday To You! Happy Birthday To CareBear! Happy Birthday To YOU!!!!!!! Why dont you stop by and wish him a Happy Birthday! CareBear ™ @ fubar Birthday Wishes From ♡¥ümª£¡©ïºü§♡ @ fubar