Ever feel like everything that comes out of your mouth isn't right? Every time you think you found a plausible solution to a problem it only leads to either more problems or it was wrong solution?
Love feels like that.
No matter what you do or try - there will always be some tripping point where you feel utterly useless. You do what you can for it - because in the end, we all want to be loved. However, what do you do when it takes its toll on your mind and well being? Not the hopeless addiction - rather when it hurts so much to deal with it. It hurts because of the world you have set up.
You really want to scream and cry
In fact, you have screamed and cried - yet there is still nothing you can do about. Then love because shakey. It becomes unstable and uncertain. It threatens to take away its happiness and only causes fusteration.
Can you find happiness in lonliness?
No - I really don't think so, but I think you could be forced to find out because that is all there is left.
I am at a loss.
I am lost.
So let the Jackal laugh. Let them caw and coo at my constant failures. Let them laugh becuase I know I am. I laugh because I am in certain pain and I have no more tears to shed. There are no words or advise that can be taken or given - ultimately because you are fucked. Your situation is incompatible.There is no give and there is no lean. Just scream.
To have your legacy threatened - to have your sanity removed - to not be allowed to die by your own means.
Free will starts to become an illusion - one that you fought so hard for.
When do the words "I love you" become so painful because you don't feel that you did right to earn them?
-Gideon
