Darkness NZ's blog: "thoughts of the moment"

I look in the mirror,
and all I can see,
is an unhappy little girl
staring back at me.

Things have happened in my life,
some things I cannot change,
but I am the only person
who has to deal with my rage.

I'm upset because I'm all alone,
and I feel like I have nothing of my own.
I can't take it back,
because I'm ready to go,
because love in my life is something I lack,
and a feeling I will never know. 

I cry all the time
but in front of friends I laugh,
why can't they see it's really a sad smile?
Probably because I make them think crying, 
is just not my style.

I always feel down
and people turn away, 
sometimes it seems as if,
I have nothing left to say.

People don't want to listen
to all the hurt I feel,
they just blow it off,
and tell me it's no big deal.

I cope with problems myself,
because I have nobody on my side,
I cry all these tears alone
because sadness is something I hide.

My friends are friends that never see
if something is really bothering me,
they all have their own lives 
other than to worry about me,
I guess my pain, 
is what they don't want to see.
 
I've thought about letting go
and giving up on life,
but maybe something great can happen
to the rest of my life.

The question still stands,
"Do I stay or do I leave?"
I don't know which one I want,
so for now I'll just be me.

A lonely little girl,
with a broken heart, 
a lonely little girl,
that just needs a brand new start.

I may no longer be your friend
but this much I know.
I'm still me.
Away you turn if you are scared.
Walk into the black.
Yeah, I'm still me.

You, forgotten you, forsaken you, forever you!

You had the nerve to say,
that I've lost the way.
I'm still me.
After losing sanity,
together you and me,
guess who still walks free. It's not...

You, forgotten you, forsaken you, forever you!

This anger, with hunger.
You've chosen to hold on
to your bitter needs.

You lost yourself somewhere.
Blamed me for not being there,
not loving a stranger, that was...

You, forgotten you, forsaken you, forever you!

FUCK YOU!

I've had it up to here with you
And all the shit that you've brought
Into my life, now it ends
Just to think I thought you friend
How the fuck did you think
You'd get away with what you did,
And what you said, and what you've done,
I'll take no more, come get some

I'll smash you down from your imagined state
Drag you down from reality
Show to you the real way, the real life
And what it all means
The memory of pain lasts for days
But you've not seen the brutality
That I'll deliver, and I will
The pain you'll feel, will last for years

Betrayer
King of betrayal
Betrayer
King of betrayal

So if you think your gonna get
Away with this, think again
I'm on your trail, I'm on your case
I'll track you down I will avenge
Betrayal is not a thing
I take to heart very well
Now you've added murder in
I'll make your life a living hell

I never said I wanted this
This useless thing called life is fucken full of shit
I can't decide if I should die
Or contemplate the sins
I've seen within the signs
I've tried to see, something in me
Something that tells me what my future paths will bring
But of the paths that I seek
They all show me that life is not what it seems

One day closer
No more ever

When evil calls
And makes a stand
I will be there to hold up my bloodied hands
My eagerness for death then shall be put aside
I hate you, and your kind
Your senseless way of life is fucken worse than mine
Your not immortal, and you know this
Just one day closer then your life will not exist

The time is near, your final breath
And soon you'll know what life will be like after death
Your lifeless eyes, they stare at me
You should be grateful that I let your soul go free
I have to make, the most of this
This sickness that I have that only death can fix
I'm not immortal, and I know this
Just one day closer then my life will not exist

They met one night in a crowded room
He spoke, she responded
Polite banter at first
Neither realizing
That destiny had begun to loom

So many similarities
So many interests shared
Too many to be coincidence
Neither of them cared

With every question asked
A new layer was revealed
Two souls reunited
Their fate already sealed

A smile, a laugh
Words unspoken
They knew if not careful
Hearts would be broken

Their fire burned white- hot from the first
No time to waste, so much to say
An unquenchable thirst

"In a perfect world" he'd gently say
And she'd sigh
And the time would keep slipping away.

Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest

I think of you each morning
And dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
And cannot express my delight

Never have I fallen
But I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
That has never before been given away

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

A warm sensation fills my body
My heart races with every touch
The softness of your voice soothes
My soul
As I lay there hoping the moment
Will never end
Calling out for you
Praying that you'll never let me go
The sensation so strong
I can no longer feel my body
Slowly I fade in and out of reality
In an instant the warm sensation
Fades away
My heart empty
My soul torn apart
Lying there; wondering where I went
Wrong
Calling out for you, only to find
there is no answer
My mind invaded with thoughts
So cruel and unrefined
The sensation of fear of what's to come
Slowly the reality over powering
The lust and fantasy
Leaving me empty
Confused on how to think or feel
The loneliness I feel
So wretched and compelled
Betrayal to myself
Revealing the terrors of my love