Icarus's blog: "Hurts to watch."

It's that time of year again where I bore you with my extensive research and wobblingly weird and whacked out reviews of things you'll likely never participate in.

That's right.
4th Quarter. New Game season.

Alright... what did we REALLY
learn from our next generation of consoles.

...


don't pay retail for anything.


Very very very dissapointing legacies and new titles with very few exceptions to the rule throughout most of 08 and 09.

Two hour games, cliches galore, and shitty shitty shitty quality of product.

I said it
if I'm going to spend money on it- make it worth it.

There-
now on to new business.

Legacies:
Metal Gear will be giving us TWO titles in the next couple of quarters a sequel to OPS (PSP title) including new coop game modes, sneaking, playstyle changes, and ... what sounds like an incomprehensible control system
This I can live with.
PSP has its short comings, I'm willing to work within them.
Next, for every butthurt crybaby shitbowks 720 player
at long last is the multiplatform MG game.
And its about Raiden.
Five years ago you fuckbags couldn't SHUT UP about how gay, effeminate, weak, inaccurate, whiney, gay, effeminate, whiney, stupid, gay, whiney and effeminate this guy was

now after you watch him go full cyborg and do some capoira ninja shit where he flips walking tanks and dices up an undead super soldier

you suddenly want to suck his dick and play his game?

Fuck you guys.

I'm one of four people I know that didn't think he was a total pussy
and guess what
I thought he was a total pussy- but I saw what they were doing
the patriots (super secret agency within the game)
were making a successor to the super soldier (Frank Jaeger)

moving on.

New movement system, new game engine, new playstyle, and so help me GOD
if there is more video content then PLAY TIME!!!
I WILL

...

...

complain.
I'm an unrepentant fan boy. But Seriously, lengthy installs? 3 Hour cutscene sequences?
... its a 70 hour movie with 4 hours of AWESOME and shooting.

I'm still waiting for a rerelease that cuts out all the story content and just lets me KILL. Oh ... and skip chapter 3 altogether, god that shit was crap.

So-
MGSO: Peacewalker- I accept with open arms and will gleefully purchase it on release.
MGRising: Purchasing with trepedation- and really, starting to call bullshit after the cinematic, decrepid assassin, load time bullshit I had to sit through.

I'm looking forward to one install screen (games getting WAY toned down for the multiplatform capabilities) a couple loadscreens... and maybe an interesting story
making up 10% of an interruption for me to get over my adrenaline high after slingshotting a metal gear into a bus full of nuns that I set on fire and filled with semtek to blow up an aircraft carrier.

Seriously-
I've got high expectations.
Don't fuck me on this one Hideo.

Next up--------------------------









Way of the Samurai 3.
Everything I loved about my multipath multiplaythrough harder than HELL super slasher based on samurais... go figure.
Only now they're giving me more
and more
and more.

Full customobility of my sword-
I choose the sheath, the blade style
the moves
the stance
the guard
the everything.

I'll probably play it a few million times, collect everything twice and make my ultimate weapons.
I will then proceed to joygasm
multiple times.

So-
go into the dying era of the samurai as a ronin, do some good, do some evil, do some who gives a fuck, sword hunt, sword hunt, train, sword hunt, seduce busty women, sword hunt, fight, fight some more- and do it all over after you finish the scenario :D
I LOVE groundhog day games. ... seriously you should get that ref.

But yeah, thematically based on my favorite samurai movies by Akira Kurisawa (no shit, Yojimbo and WoTS1 ... same fucking concept more or less) game play based on... who doesn't love killing shit and playing ninja/samurai mass murderer? and you get to pick a path, fuck up, do it right, go on a killing spree should you desire

only now you have
like I said
more.

You can surrender- beg for mercy, get in over your head? forgot to save? Get out of jail free.
use the blunt side of your sword to subdue instead of kill (you'd better believe this was a necessary and MISSING concept in previous games- but sometimes... I wanted to kill the guys they made me subdue :/ they had bad ass swords)
Partners, oh
and did I mention customobility?

I just hope they kept the damn mid-scene saving like they did in WoTS2.
I'm ... 80% sure they did
but in WotS1- if you loaded your game save
and you died
you lost your current inventory of up to three swords.

When I first got this game, I experienced multiple power outages over that summer.
I lost dozens of playtime hours from my game autosaving and autopurging my inventory.
We're talking SUPER rare shit... golden challice of christ kind of weaponry here.

... and when WoTS2 introduced a manual save function, I didn't look back to 1.

Cheers.

I am ALL over this game. And will be taking a leave of absence when it is in my twitching fingers. Hundreds of playthroughs kids. Hundreds.
Work
lunch
work
Wots3.
... sleep?
repeat.

The only PROBLEM with this game is, it has been "coming out" since BEFORE the damn PS3 launched. Lots and lots and lots of pushbacks, but hey, I'd prefer that to a shitty rush job like KOTOR2. Bout fucking time though.

Next up on our legacy------



Army of Two
40th day

looks like yet another blackhawk down/MGS4/Callofduty modern warfare rip off.
I do
NOT
give a fuck.
You could put a big red stamp on this game that says plagiarism and make me sign three waivers.
I am playing this game
with my buddy chris
ad nauseum.

This game promises to produce extra game features to a superb coop shooter that left me wanting more
then they promised me more
more customization for my guns
more playstyle options
more playstyle options
...
... oh and more playstyle options.

I'm HOPING
that this is a LONG game. Not a weekender like Ao2 was. Hope springs eternal, but I've also learned to be a calloused fuckbag when it comes to these things.
But
this game offers more groundhogging.
Groundhogging in the form of alignment based rescue/kill decisions (good guy/bad guy endings), play paths, and extra dialogue and events based on your actions.

You're getting the option to be a ruthless killer, or a hostage saver.
Hostages will be currency in some ways in this game, and there's increased risks of turncoats, yaddayadda yadda

what I'm more concerned about are the guns
and the fact that sniping and recon may actually be viable in this game.
Before... me and Chris pretty much just ping ponged aggro- then I got a gold plated Ak47 that could punch through a wall, and he kept a high accuracy high rate of fire weapon with no bells and whistles.
He became the sneaky ninja with a rocket launcher
and I became a GIANT target with a big god damn gun
but 3 seconds of continuous fire from me and we went invincible, I got extra damage he got to be nearly invisible and twice as fast during the power up.

So we had a system.

It's out the fucking window.

Now if we split up, he can load up enemy positions to me- and I can snipe through doors, walls, windows etc.

It's gonna rock.

And we still intend to carry heavy ordinance, and do a lot of bad assed shit when the time comes.

Problem
January release date.

That's the
ONLY
problem.

Groundhogging, multiple endings/gear hunts, new systems, new playstyles, more character development.
I'm in.

Next is a kinda/sorta legacy.

It's more content to the legend killer Fallout 3.
Yeah... I can either get all the individual downloadable content and expacs for this game from Playstation network for $60... or I can buy the game of the year content
with an extra scenario
for $60

:/

still no map maker, still no online user mods.

I may actually hold off and get the damn GoTY for PC

...

WHAT!? More content, cheaper cost... and I still wind up buying a game I own
TWICE > <
FUCK!
That's what I thought.

I am getting bent over the barrel on this one... and I'm guaranteed to have a better play experience/performance on my PS3 than this PC heap...
but ... user mods... user maps... making my own maps and content T_T

no Geckt on consoles.
You can see the conflict... kind of.
I can't.
I'm getting screwed, and coming back asking for more :/

The hilarious thing is

This was supposed to be "zomg we never do this on PS3 cuz I R boss of this game"
...
Xbox has about 2 exclusives now. I want none of them.

Which brings us to our next two legacies.

Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2- new weapons and god willing less goofy poorly contrived dungeon crawling, repetitious fights, and puzzly bullshit to a game I'll likely not finish. I am NOT buying this game at retail price, Sigma was a megasweet slasher... with really boring, really shitty inbetween runaround clumsily incorporated adventure game elements and jumping puzzles. ... well.. I'm being hard on it, but she deserved it.

and Katamari Forever- instant buy, even if it wasn't made by the original guy, its katamari, its new content, its new playstyles, and it finally got released on PS.

Sigma 2 promises me nothing but more killing, adjustments to a very difficult playstyle, and some pewpew cool shit.
And a scythe.
I can live with these things
but when I was playing the gamedemo- I could NOT differentiate my character from the swarm of ninja ass raping me with exploding kunai.
That's gonna need worked out.

KF-
you knew I was going to shank a bitch if I didn't get to play this game
but
Roboking?
... gravitational powerups?
a grading scale?
What the fuck!?

... not that big of a deal though.


Next-----------------------

Red Dead Revolution.
*shrugs* I liked Red Dead Revovler, but I'm probably not buying it unless its got online coop, def going to play through it.
Dunno who the main characters are, don't care, don't know about the new systems and playstyles and settings
don't care
its the cowboy equivalent of WoTS... with less hype, and ... no groundhogging.
So I'm not exactly stalking it.

Next---------

...ah
the NEW property.
Borderlands.
The game that promises to hybrid the shooter and the RPG.
I'll believe it when I see it, especially after when I learned more about this game, I realized it was alarmingly similar to an outdoor HellGate with fewer rendered polys.
We'll see if it can deliver where
so
so many have promised and failed.
They're cutting back on monster types, vehicle types and combat, and ... I hate to say it but those character classes are all from Hellgate.

and hellgate sucked
and not the way your mother does.

Next------
Gundam Dynasty Warriors 2
and I'm not even counting it
because its old, and I'd own it already if I could find the damn thing used.

That's all you get for free.
Someone get me a sloppy blowjob and a night on the town, maybe a movie and icecream...

I hate this lifestyle.

I really do.
I need to make my own hours and work in my own environment
and most of you misuse the word "need"
I did not.