Lately, among everything else in my life, I've had this new sensation. Can't really say if it's a good sensation or bad one, but it is unlike anything I've ever felt before. And perhaps it is the most terrifying feeling ever. It's the feeling of uncertainty. Yes, I've felt this before, but never for such a long period of time. It's like I wake up and I'm not even sure if I'm still alive. It's like I'm looking for my keys or my cell phone and I'm not even sure I really lost them. I feel like every little thought requires another thought just to make sure that is what I'm really thinking. I feel like I'm having an idenity crisis. Like I dont know who I am and I just want to wake up and be the old me. My dreams at night have been more vivid and dramatic. This is the second night in a row that I've woken up and thought I was at home....really at home...hearing my mom and dad downstairs. And I open my eyes and I realize I'm certainly not at home. I'm in my dorm room at school 6 hours away from home and the voices I'm hearing are just in my head. It's like I'm having a pychological breakdown...everything is new and I have to teach myself what I really care about. The only time I feel at ease is when I'm talking to Kim. She just takes me back to the place that still has my heart...Fairbanks, Alaska and Eielson AFB. Talking to her is like re-inventing myself all over again. I can't describe it any further and I know this hardly makes any sense. All I know is that this sensation sucks and I want a new one.
