It will be 2 years ago *this October 26th* that my Mom passed. She would have been 82 yrs old this Dec., 11. Some would say she had a long life. But to those of us who loved her, it just wasn’t long enough. She had endured so much, the last few years of her life, in which, I will have lasting memories until I see her again. My Mom found out she had diabetes many years ago *I believe, at the age of 40* and was doing quite well with handling her life. Children had grown up and had children of their own. So she was an independent *woman* in all respects. Maybe I should go back a little in time. Our home base was North Carolina, YEAH, THE TARHEEL STATE! My Mom was blessed with 4 children *older sister, who lives in Cali., an older brother *who was killed, arguing over a woman* myself and a younger brother.* The older children had left NC, many years ago, so, my younger brother and I were the babies of the 4. The older children had different fathers *by marriage* than myself and younger brother.* So back then, it was my father, Mom, me and baby bro. During those times *back then *was anything but smooth, coming up. My father and mother, used to fuss & fight continuously but my father made sure the kids went to church on Sundays, you wonder where my Mom was during the *church times*? She didn‘t come because she didn‘t have a decent dress to wear. Back then, not too many women had jobs, they mostly stayed home, watch the kids, cook, in other words, home and house bounded, no money to call their own, fathers were usually the breadwinners. But for one of my parents, had a wandering eye *LOL* and divorce happened. So, now Mom was left with 2 small children, no money, no job *at the time* barely had a decent change of clothes. But even with the little clothes we had, my Mom would wash the clothes out each night, so we could have clean clothes for the next day, while she wore an old dress or house coat *robe, in todays terms*. I remember in order to get meals for my brother and I, I was put to the task of begging my father for groceries or money to buy groceries. Even through all of this, my Mom was strong and held her head up high. So, it was a thing, Mom didn’t want to keep depending on my father for help, so she did find a job to care for the younger of her children. In time, we left NC to live in DC. So now, the babies grew up and had children of their own to raise but we always knew Mom was there for us. As I started in the beginning of this, Mom found she had diabetes, through the years, as she aged, things started getting worse for her, to the point that her doctors were urging me and her, that things were on a downhill roller coaster & she didn’t need to be living alone any longer. Now, you know how this hits hard, to a person, who’ve been so independent, for so long…It was something, she didn’t want to believe and she was in total denial. Her doctors were calling me almost everyday to ask me to do something, cause it didn’t look very good for her. At this time, my husband and I was still staying in DC, not even 5 minutes to my Mom’s little apartment, so I was in contact, everyday with her. The bldg she stayed in, was for seniors and highly secured, I only had a key to her apartment but didn’t have one for the security door. So, every time I went to her, I had to either knock on her first floor apt window or wait for someone with a key to enter the bldg. What did my younger brother do to keep check on his own Mother *if I told you how it was with him and my Mother* steam would be coming out of your ears and that’s another whole chapter, that would be too long and you would be disgusted. I would say, about 2-4 months, my husband and I decided to move to Maryland, into our own home. Before-hand, my hubby knew about the situation with my Mom and what I was going through with her and my feelings. Before the move, I had discussed with my Mother, many things, we had made promises to one another, 1 was that she didn’t want to go to my older sister to stay *too bossy*, plus my Mom had 3 sisters still living close by, 1 sister was not medically able to care for my Mother, another aunt, had cared for my Grandmother for so many years, it was time for her to rest, the last aunt, I would trust to care for even a plant, my brother’s house HELL NO! I had just been hurt in a car accident and disabled but THIS IS MY MOTHER, THE WOMAN WHO CHANGED MY DIAPERS, WIPED MY NOSE, WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR US, WHETHER RIGHT OR WRONG, now it was her time to be taken care of and it was an honor, not a duty, but an honor. But 1 promise, sometimes, I feel I shouldn’t have said *I promised her, I would never see her in a nursing home* little did I know, what the future would bring…..what plans were being made and I wasn’t going to pressure her and I wasn’t going to make her come, but my husband said, the house that we get would have many rooms but there would always be a room for my Mother, *no matter what*, my husband was more of a son to my Mother, than my own brother, the thing of it, I can’t judge my brother, he will have to answer some serious questions, when it’s time for him to be judged. As time went on, after my husband and my move, my Mom was beginning to realize, she couldn‘t do certain things, she wasn‘t able to take care of her little apartment, as she once did, it took her about a year for her to make up her mind to come and stay with my husband and I. I reassured her, she wasn’t giving up her independence, she just needed some extra eyes to watch over her. She was doing pretty good 2 and a half years with us, she had her own little room, with all her bedroom things, so she was right at home. My Mom used to love crushed ice, so it tickled my husband and I to see her creeping through the hallway, going to get crushed ice, go back to her room and hear her just chewing away at the ice *LOL*!!!!! So to make this short *UHH, short, that’s a laugh* during and before these times, Mom was on dialysis, so many meds so forth and so on. I have dogs that loved my Mom to pieces, they would go into her room and stand guard *animals sense things, deeper than we can*, so in order for them not to go into her room at night, I would have to put a *kiddie gate* up, so they wouldn’t enter, my Mom was used to the gate and would always take her time to remove it and go to any part of the house, she wanted. One night, she forgot the gate was up and didn’t turn up her light by her bed and stumbled on the gate, when I heard her fall, I immediately jump up to find her still on her knees, holding the gate in her hands and feet flexed to an awkward position, I thought she had broken her legs, feet or something but lucky she didn’t, after examining her feet and legs closer, I noticed she had developed a fiction blister, between her toes and if you know about diabetes, you know, the feet are one of the most important things to care for. So, later that day, I took her to her doctors to look at her feet, from their account, everything was treated and watched closely, but things can go wrong before you know it, gangrene had occurred to her foot and was traveling up her leg, which was unstoppable. My heart almost stopped beating, when the 2nd opinion was done, her leg had to be amputated….These were some of the worse days of my life, as I’m sure it was for her too, I had to be the one to break the news to not only her but the rest of the family, with a lot of argument from just 1 member of the family, but it was no other choices that could be made that would prolong her days with us. So, it was done. The amputation went perfect and after the hospital stay, Mom was able to come home again to me. I truly thought, things were going to get better but things didn’t go as planned, after my Mom got home and settled, we changed things in her bedroom, like now, we had home health care, special equipment *bed, lift and so forth*…Humans are human, so if you can’t use or don’t have a limb, you will try to find other means to move around or do things. My Mother was left with her other leg, so in order for her to move around in her bed, she used her other leg and heel to arrange herself in her bed, this cause a blister to form on her remaining heel. I and the home health nurse tried with all our might to dress, clean and take care of the foot and heel, we did good. One day, I smelt this familiar smell again, the smell as from the first episode of decaying flesh, I tried to tell myself, NO, VICKIE, IT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE SMELLING, NO!!!! I called the nurse, this was the nurse’s day off, I asked her to please come and please tell me this is not happening again. She came and examined and I remember the look on her face, tears brimming in her eyes, yes, Vickie, it’s happening again. I’m almost in shock as I have to take her to the hospital, to confirm the answer, she was admitted, that day to have yet another leg taken from her. I remember looking at her legs as they had her sedated, remembering every curve, spot, her little toes, taking in every picture of that leg. That amputation went well as to be expected but this time around…THIS STILL HURTS!! But she was admitted into a nursing home, because of special care. While she was home with my husband and I, she had developed a pressure sore, on her backside but was healing with my and the nurse’s care. But while she was in the hospital, it’s not the same care as she got at home, I mean, changing position, keeping the area elevated, things of this nature. The sore got larger, deeper and more serious, so I had to let her go into the home, I didn’t have the medical equipment or drugs to deal with her at home. It broke my heart, but it had to be done, if she was going to have a chance. Between the hospital and nursing home, were bouts of fevers, comas and infections that had to be addressed. Then we started to get some what better, I started saying, AHHHHHHHHH SHE’S COMING HOME TO ME SOON, SHE’S COMING HOME!!!!!!! You know, it’s so true what’s said, just before an ill person passes on, they get this rush of *being*, they laugh, they talk again with understanding. All of these things happened with my Mom…..Through all of this, my Mom was still having dialysis *whether in the nursing home or hospital* and when those days would come around, I didn’t visit her, cause I knew she was going to be out of it and I wanted her to rest but I would always come the next day. Well, this strange day of her session, something kept telling me to go see her, DIALYSIS OR NOT, something told me to go anyway and I did. I went to the home, with my little bag of articles, like vasoline, comb, brush and etc., whether the staff combed or did what ever, I still wanted to do these things for her and she looked forward to me doing them. So as I entered the bldg, I was told, she had just went upstairs for her session, so I went on up…When I got there, she was in her little geri-chair and having her treatment but she wasn’t sitting like she was comfortable, so I kinda sat her more comfortably in her chair, I take out my little *bonding articles*, as I’m taking them out, I notice, she’s smiling at me and I smiled back, still getting things together and out of the bag. I said ’how you doing baby’, she didn’t answer me, I just thought she was overly tired, but she still smiled and looked at me. Then I saw her try to speak but no words came from her lips, so I got closer and said, ’what you say baby?’ she didn’t answer, I looked back into her face and she just kept smiling at me and I smiled back….
I finished my little routine with her *combing her hair, putting vasoline on and stuff* and said, ’well baby, I’m getting ready to go back home and fix dinner but I’ll be back tomorrow, I just wanted to see you…She kept smiling….
I packed up everything and kissed her and started for the door, then decided to look back at her, the smile was still on her lip….My mind still wondered, what did she say…..
Between the hours of 2-3:30am, my Mom passed in her sleep from a brain stroke.
I still wonder, till this day, was she telling me good-bye and she’ll be ok?
For so long anger ruled very highly of her passing, now I realize where to put the anger, it's the disease itself DIABETES!
