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This is MY REAL life!!!

For those that don't know me... I have a very painful, and debilitating disease called LUPUS!!!! I take 10 different medications to take down some of the pain levels I am always in.... I have been diagnosed with this disease for the past 4 years of my life.... It attacks your nervous system, bones, joints and skin.... And most of all it EATS BADLY away at your IMMUNE system..... This CT site is soo awesome.. And I have such awesome friends I have met on here!!! .. So I just wrote this tonight.... I do write alot of journals.. And figured I would start writing them online....... Step into my world for a little while and see that the GIRL behind the smiling pics..... She is a girl painfully hurting on the inside and outside... Just trying to live every day t othe best that I can now.... :) =================================================== How I am feeling today.. Can you hear me?? Can you feel what I am feeling?? Can you hear my Whispers in the nightime..... Through all my pain and suffering within.... Trap yourself inside my BODY.. Feel the wrath of pain I feel inside.... There is no where to scream, no where to hide.... Doctors and nurses hustle around me....Trying to bring some light to my painful world.... Break me free of this PHYSICAL PAIN I feel so badly inside... Take me away to the light away from this DARKNESS!!!! For I close my eyes, and with what time LEFT I have, I sleep FOREVER!!!! Medications riddle me and take over my WHOLE world and very BEING!!!! One more pill just one more, then I will take no more...... They surround me, and take over like a stray wolf lookin for its prey in the night....Bottles surround me, mocking me, twisting my lifes reality into a shallow endless pit of a MEDICATED world....Can you feel my wrath of pain that follows me.... I keep runnon, but there is no end. It keeps catching up with me..... But if I stand still it bends me like a helpless darkned tree, who shadows covers the night sky.... I want to live th rest of what life i have left... I want to keep moving ahead. yet i keep getting dragged behind... Being pulled further and further down into a painful world where the medical field becomes lifeless and become more more and hopeless and lifeless.... Will you take these pills away from me? Will you be my strong hold in the night?? As I fight against you, and tear and rip at your cold dark skin...... Haunting me into this twisted world they call MEDICATION...... I become a number another body in the chambers of the cell , one with just another pill another drug, another medication... Don't give in.... It calls to me....Come to us we will help you and release all of your physical pains.... I look at all the pretty colors , and writings on the bottles, as they become more and more of my DYING dream..... For without them I DIE.. I become a black deadend rose in this so called fountain of youth..... ...........................................................In the dead of night no one hears my screams..................... Nobody comes, nobody listens.. All I hear is the sound of my own faint breath, and what's left of my beating shallow heart....................................... ReWritten by : PHANTOM STRANGE GIRL 08/14/07
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