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ugh sometimes shit gets so tough. with everything that has happened this month i think i've lost it. i NEVER thought clint of all people would hold me back from beating the shit out of my older brother, I come back to minnesota to find i have a 5 year old son and that (Excuse me) bitch didn't tell me because she "didnt want to hold me back from anything". ya know i just got dumped too for someone who used to beat you and now i leave and you call me like 4 times a day telling me you love me and stuff. but i cant help feeling what kind of loser am i? and my health is going down quick my anxiety is killing me n stress is terrible its never reality hit when clint of all people stop me who never hits anyone with out a good reason stopped me from something i was right about because he knows me all too well and yes i admit i would have wrecked him. i went to jail once for wrecking my older brothers face but sometimes i dont think. if clint wasn't here i would be in jail right now. no son, no life, no friends. i feel that friends are better than family. you make your own family. and what sucks is if i keep talking to her i will fall back in love with her even though im being played in all angles but i suck because when i was younger my dad broke every promise and so did my mom and i vowed to never break a promise and i promised i'd keep talking to her. it sucks that i slutted around a bit the past couple weeks and i even fucked her (ima just all her her from now on) tons because im "good in bed" i guess. and then she dont want the other guy. Man i think im just gunna be a sexual or else not so dumb. i have morals not much but i do. i gotta control myself. funny thing is i think im the only one in ghetto with a computer haha. thats not so funny. anyways im trying to be peaceful. always. but ya know everything. a new place a new problem. not that im gunna do it but my babies mama i guess i can call her that, i never wanted to hit a woman never but today when i saw my eric for the first time i wanted to smack her or watch her get hit by a bus or something idk. confused as hell. i have "her" and babies mama chasin after me. and i havent told my brother yet or my dad that i have a kid thats only one more thing to get down on me for. anyways "her" wants to go to a rancid show with me on jun 26 and call me everyday, i still love her a bit and it kills me to think or talk to her but i promised, fuck me hey? babies mama hugged me and grabbed me in a way. alright look, i left for michigan and i threw one up in her the night before i left. she was a friend. and now shes married and wants me. ugh. ill finish this later. i hope i read this everday.
