I suffer from sever depression. It is a horrible life altering disease. I want so much to be happy and every day is a struggle to smile. I can't control my mood swings or thoughts. I often think of suicide to ease my pain. Thankfully, I have a wonderful boyfriend and many friends that are always there to remind me of all the reasons to keep on going. Unfortunately, I can't just decide to stop being depressed. There is a chemical inbalance in my brain that keeps me in this state of depression and I can't control it. I don't really want to die, but some days the pain I feel on the inside is so intense that I'd do anything for some relief. My friends and loved ones care enough to intervene and help me. I have every reason to be a very happy person but am unable to experience the joy that I so badly long for. I have been fighting this disease for 13 years now and still have yet to overcome it's anguish. There is no one I've met that can relate to the feelings I have. Very few even understand my condition. I cry so often that I'm amazed that I even have tears left to cry. It is important to me to let these things be known. Very few people are brave enough to talk about their illness. I am in complete understanding of my disease and want some sort of life back. I want to be able to live without meds and lead a normal life, but I have yet to win the battle. If anyone knows how I feel, please don't be afraid to tell me. Maybe we can help eachother.
