And its cover, are just not what you might assume it to be. I have noticed that a lot of people seem to assume a lot of different things about me, that I just don't believe to be true about me.
1. I'm not stuck up or stuck on myself. I have absolutely no reason to be (if anything I'm rather insecure and unsure of myself regarding some things in life). If anything, I'm just different and some people accept that and some see it as a reason to say sh*tty things to me. It bothers me that people do go out of their way to say sh*tty things to me when I feel I haven't done anything to deserve it.
2. Although I live my life a different way, it doesn't make me wrong. It just makes me different. It doesn't make you wrong for not agreeing with the way I live my life. I feel that I am experiencing everything I can in life on as many levels as I can so that when its time to meet the maker, I don't think I have missed out on a whole lot. And everyone has a different definition of what "living life" is all about. To some, its living for their children, to others its living for their spouses and for me, its living for myself and hoping to bring something to the lives of those I touch along the way.
3. I am a very open and honest person. I am not the blunt sort most of the time because I feel that in some instances, some people blur blunt and tactless and there is a huge difference between the two. I honestly believe that you can be blunt and tactful at the same time. It just takes giving a sh*t about the person you are conveying your message to and clarifying what it is you are trying to communicate. But above all, even if your honesty lacks tact, I want it. I need it. I give it, and I want to get it back.
4. I don't play games here and I have nothing to hide. I am a total attention whore and that is why I am here. I am probably more of a tease than anything because I post the pictures I post but I am not going to sleep with the guys who view them. But, in a twisted bit of psychology, I come here for acceptance; and I take the good with the bad... and there is generally a lot of bad here more so than the good. And coming here for such a thing as acceptance has its ups and downs and tends to create a target on my head for the negativity that is just human nature I suppose. Misery loves company and I believe that quite a few people operate on this mentality. I'm not a miserable person, I have good and bad days and its a crap shoot sometimes between the rejection letters I get from interviews I have done; to the weather; to someone saying something negative to me because my nudes folder isn't available to anyone to see; to meeting someone really cool here that I really like a lot and being completely blown away that a place like this could bring me someone like that to be a part of my life.
5. I flirt here a lot, just like everyone else and it's all in fun for the game (I'm a point whore too apparently lol); but the people that are truly important to me, that I know in real life are on the top of my family and friends. These are the ppl that I chat with here pretty consistently or on yahoo, but I either talk to them on the phone or cuddle with them on the couch at night. Better yet, some of those closest to me, don't live anywhere near me but they know that they are significant to me; no ifs and's or but's. I do everything in my power to let them know that they are special to me, that I am very happy having them as a part of my life (even when it's hard to convey the message to someone who doesn't exactly think of interactions with others the way I do).
6. My interactions with people are very important to me and I do not discriminate on where when or how I interact with people, its just interactions in general. From the person I said hi to in the Barnes and Noble parking lot yesterday as I was getting out of my vehicle and headed in, to the person I started chatting with on fubar maybe a week ago that consumes some of the thoughts I have during the day when I am not chatting with him or talking to him on the phone. From the really awesome soul I met at the AVN a few weeks back that I am going to visit this weekend, to the people I support in my volunteer position with the USN. As much as I have suffered such negativity from people as a whole, I still truly love people and their energy and their thoughts and the life they bring to my own life. I know that the negativity I have experienced is truly my own fault for letting it get to me, but that's just another way I am broken. I think though that the more I tend to appreciate the good people that do come into my life; be it for a moment or for a lifetime, the easier it gets to sluff off the negative and truly dive into the positive and soak it in.
I was just doing some thinking this evening after having a discussion with a friend and I thought that I would just put some of my thoughts out there.... it helps me to clear my head.
*kttn*
