Dark Country IRL Married 2 Dj Country De's blog: "Things that piss me off"

> To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity > > > 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With > Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer > At Passing Cars. > See If They Slow Down. > > 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't DisguiseYour Voice. ! > > 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries > with that. > > 4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten > Over Their Caffeine Addictions, > Switch to Espresso. > > 5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana' > > 6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. > > 7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. > > 8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. > > 9. Sing Along At The Opera. > > 10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party > Bec ause You have a headache . > > 11. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' > > 12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling > 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' > > 13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To > Have To Let One Of You Go.' > > And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity > 14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK > WERE THE FITTING ROOM IS. > > > Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile. > > It's Called > ... THERAPY

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started.... ********************************************************* I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $10.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when the fight started. ************************************************************************ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And then the fight started..... *********************************************************************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since. ' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started..... ******************************************************************** Rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started..... ************************************************************************ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please. ' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself. ' And that's how the fight started.....