The Goddess CoverDBabe's blog: "Things that are frustrating me right now"

F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real Or so I hope it's false. Sometimes you just get a feeling in your gut that you can't shake. That you know someone is not telling you the whole truth of the matter. Omissions of the truth IS the same as not telling the truth as much as some people want to say it's not. I haven't really blogged in a while because of fear of retaliation by a certain people. Some of these people have done quite a lot to destroy aspects of my life with their own hidden agenda. I fear it may come again soon. While some won't take responsibility for their own actions, I have paid dearly for mine and theirs too. Yet, they just can't turn around and say that they know they have hurt me and they are sorry. Not just with their words but helping me monetarily because they do owe the money to me. Currently, there have been two e-mails from someone from what I thought was long ago passed. This man, this lousy excuse for human being that beat the crap out of me and his second wife is again trying to push his way back in my life. People have told me that I gave him too much power. While that may be true, no one else saw first hand what this man is capable of doing. For example: I was 8 months pregnant with his child. I was in the kitchen cutting carrots with a butcher knife. I don't remember what the exchange of words were but I know he pushed and pinned me to the wall. His eyes were just crazy looking. I was scared out of my mind and motherly instinct took over. I took the chef's knife that was in my hand, raised it, and told him, "Get the hell away from me!!" He let go of my throat and grabbed the knife. He held it in his right hand and the blade in the other. He smiled at me with those same crazy eyes. I thought for sure that I was going to die at that moment. He took his hands and bent a stainless steal knife. With his 90 mph pitching arm, he threw it right at my head. Since, I had already started to slide down the wall in fear and shock, I was able to duck to get away from it. He walked away to the bedroom. I sat on the floor for God knows how long in shock, fear, disbelief, disgust and gratefulness that I did not die. I was finally was able to roll to get to my knees. I used the handle of the pantry door to pull myself the rest of the way up. My head started spinning. My legs begin to buckle but, I held on to the kitchen sink and cabinets until I was steady. I weighed my options. I couldn't use the phone because he had already destroyed the one in the living room. If I went to the door to leave, he'd hear it and possibly throw me over the balcony. Even if I did make it to the bottom of the stairs safely, I still had no way to go anywhere or call the police because I had no money or vehicle. I was a prisoner in my own apartment held captive by the man for whom I had a high school crush on. The man that all the girls wanted to be with because not only was he cute, he was a gifted athlete. I looked around the kitchen. I saw that I couldn't even finish dinner. I picked up the knife, walked to the bedroom and saw him laying on the bed drinking a beer. In a very small voice I asked, "Honey, can you bend this back so I can finish dinner?" He got up, rounded the bed and again I thought I was dead. He was screaming, "You want it fixed? You want it fixed?" He took the knife and broke it in half saying, "There it's fixed!" He shoved the two pieces in my hand. All I could do was stand there in shock. I don't remember what happened after that really. I just remember at some point that night, I was back in the kitchen thinking, "He's right, he could have easily snapped my neck like the knife. He was only kind enough to spare my life because I carried his bloodline." That was just one single, solitary incident that stands out from so many others. So many other times that he used to strip me of any independent thought. Any way that I was before we were married was beaten out of me. I was just a shell of the beautiful, talented and intelligent trophy wife that I once was. God, just writing all of that out has me shaking again. The first e-mail was a threat. I couldn't send the e-mails that I wanted to send him telling him just how much of a jerk he is and that his threats don't scare me because just seeing his name on the e-mail brought all of the fear back up. I talked with my brother and others that know the situation and they said get a physical address on him so that if he comes after you again, you at least have an address on him. I kept mulling it over and over and over of what to write. I talked to my son about it and he said, "In some ways I would like to get to know him. In others, I know that Travis is my dad." Out of all the long e-mails that I could have sent back, I only sent back, "Hey what's your physical address? We have been looking all over for you." I felt, "Well at least it's partially the truth." I did look up property tax information to see what happened to the property that his parents once owned. It seems that his new wife bought the property. Since the house that once stood on it burned down, (He might have had something to do with that since he couldn't be found that night according to his second ex-wife) there have been two mobile homes put on the property. One in his wife's name and one in his mother's name. Figures! I always knew they were trash. Now, they are bona fide trailer trash! lol Once I knew for certain that he had looked at that profile on that site, I tried erasing any evidence of where I might be living right now. He may have seen it and knew the first couple of times he looked at it but, I didn't want him to know for sure. You see, I have been on the run from him for 15 years because of the abuse during the marriage and after it. He's had me followed. He's sat outside my son's daycare at the time, honked, raised his 9 mm up, grinned and drove off when I ran inside. He showed up at my job. He's paid people to watch my mother's house. He's been in that neighborhood several times asking the neighbors about us. I had gone to the police for help. They told me that I didn't have enough documentation and really couldn't do anything to protect me even when he kidnapped my son. At that time, there were no stalking laws or protective orders that were easily obtainable as they are now. I moved to San Antonio to put some distance between me and him. My ex- father-in-law would drive the distance from Houston to San Antonio every other weekend to pick up my son. Thomas hated going. One time, it took two men to put my then 4 year old son in the car for court ordered visitation. Thomas had to have therapy over all of that. He has since been able to recall some of the things that happened during those visits. It makes me cry even now. It makes me truly realize why Thomas hated going on long trips for the longest time. It was Thomas' screaming and crying that brought my neighbor out of his apartment to see what was going on. He thought Thomas was hurt like the time I had taken Thomas across the breezeway when he had fallen off the monkey bars and broke his arm. He stood and watched the whole incident go down. He asked if I was ok when I walked back toward my apartment with tears. He sat and held me while I cried. We became friends. He had a pregnant girl friend at the time so, I never really thought anything more of him then just a friend. Through a series of strange events over the next couple of months, that neighbor became my second husband. There was no courtship. Really, no "in" love state. I mean he asked me to marry him while he was working on his truck. How romantic is that? His fear was that he was going to loose a friend because I was out of work and was moving back to Houston. We were just two friends who formed a partnership to fight off the two manipulative former significant loves in our life. We had great fun laughing at people who saw us together and scratched their heads going, "Huh?" Travis was given orders to relocate to Florida. I really didn't want to go but by the time the orders came, I was pregnant with Emily. I didn't bother to tell Mark what my exact address was. I sent my new address to the court when we moved. I figured if he couldn't bother to hold down a job for more then 3 months at a time to avoid paying child support, I could avoid telling him my exact location while I was pregnant and couldn't really defend myself and Thomas too He's driven all the way to Florida to find me. He was even bold enough to tell the security police, "Yeah if I did see her, I'd probably kill her. If she comes off base, she's mine." He show up at my father's funeral and confronted my son outside in the parking lot two years ago. So, the second e-mail came last week. It was actually nicer and again included his phone number but no address. I haven't written him back just made a bunch of letters in MSWord about how he has no rights anymore except to pay child support and the court ordered right for him to pay back the $16,000 he still owed me. And oh yeah thanks for showing up and fucking destroying the safety that I thought I had. Since the time you showed up at the funeral, your biological son is now following in your footsteps down the path of self destruction. Thank you ever so much for taking one of the saddest days of my life and bringing all that fear back up for me again. MY son is with his REAL dad right now. You were just a sperm donor for a wonderful young man. Save all that money that you said you had to take me back to court and put it toward his college education. Lord knows there is nothing worse for an attorney to be set up to be at a hearing instead of a final decision like you have done to your attorneys in the past. The court no longer has jurisdiction over him because he was adopted ant the case was SEALED! What do you not get about this? While you may be upset that the Attorney General put a lien on you, you should have been doing the right thing from the beginning! I still haven't sent that e-mail. I don't know what to say. I have thought about it and thought about it and just decided to blog about it. On one hand I want to say all of those things to him and on the other hand I just want him to leave us the hell alone. Travis accepted the role of being Thomas' father even going as far as adopting him. With the exception of him being an ass when we split up and not paying child support to punish me in a way, he finally did the right thing after the divorce. All together though, he kept up with being their father and called them even when he was in Iraq. I really can't complain about him as a dad. Truly, I can't. Which is one of the reasons we stayed married for 8 years. People keep saying, "Why don't you get back together with him?" Well, that's another long story in and of itself. I care about Travis because he was my friend before we got married, during our marriage and after it. He's been there for me for a lot of things that have happened in my life but friendship is not all that makes a marriage. It just made the marriage more tolerable and that's all that I'm going to say about that. Back to the topic of fear, I am scared to confront my first ex again. I don't want to deal with him again. I just have to laugh over and over about what my dad said to me that really brought me back to Texas, "CL after all the things you have done to keep that man away from you, if he bothers you again, just shoot him!" lol If you knew how mellow my dad was, you would see how funny that was coming out of his mouth. I mean my dad was a paratrooper in Korea. He knew how to kill people but, he was one of the biggest hearted, loving man to so many people. You would never know that at any given moment he could kill ya. I think the only person he was ever really scared of was my mother. Yeah, she prided herself on being called, "Super Bitch". She would say, "Thank you very much, I worked hard for that title! I used to be a very kind and caring person, but not anymore." She had all kinds of sayings like that. God, how I miss those people. They were a pillar strength to me both together and individually. My brother and I are such a good mix of them both. We were a product of a great love between them that even though they were divorced, they still loved each other for 49 years. Dad, even though he had a girlfriend, really went down hill when she died. I have dreamed for many years of finding the man that could I could share that great love with. I thought I had it with Gary but when he walked out on me just two months after my dad died saying we weren't getting a divorce and two weeks later his girlfriend told me via e-mail that he told her we were, it crushed me. The fear that I had of actually getting a divorce from the man I truly loved was confirmed not by him but from her. Dammit! The lying bitch kept him away from the truth. I literally ended up in the hospital because my body just couldn't handle the gut wrenching pain and loss. I had to call Tracy to come and get me before the gave me the pain shots because they knocked me out. I've talked a lot about all that happened with that in my past blogs. If you want to read all of that, go for it. Some are now closed to the public but, if you want to read them, I'll put you on my preferred list to see them. I have brought this back into this blog to bring about a lead in to the next part. As some of you know, Gary called the IRS because he was pissed that I had taken his son as a tax deduction for 2005. This triggered an audit of our 2004 taxes as well. When I received the first letter from the IRS, it was two weeks after I had received the divorce papers. I was taking online courses which are faster then normal classes so deadlines are crucial. Then I received a letter from the IRS saying he filed Innocent Spouse. That was it. Not only had he left, not talked to me on the phone and said he wanted to keep it to e-mails because I confused him, sent all of my e-mails to the home wrecker, allowed her to make fake police reports, lied to me and my kids, and accused me of evading the papers being served but he did that too? I just broke again. This time, I didn't go to the ER. I was sent to another psych doc by my school counselors. Folks, I was out there way out of my element. I blogged a lot to try and pull myself back together and HER making up all those fake screen names to take pop shots at me during all of this didn't help. If you were on my friend's list on New Years day, you got just a small taste of the shit she had been doing to me all along. She would publicly say one thing and come right around and send me some nasty shit in my e-mail. You have no idea and apparently neither does Gary because they are now engaged. So what was my fear in all of that? Exactly what happened. She convinced him that everything was my fault and he didn't pay the IRS the money that HE OWED. Since, we filed jointly in 2004, they took MY 2006 tax return of $3,008.00...Am I pissed? OH YEAH I'M PISSED! That was the money that I had planned to live off of this summer while I wasn't working. The money I was going to use to pay down some of my loans. So, I called the IRS and I asked them what the hell is going on. They said that Gary had filed an automatic payroll deduction to pay so he got his tax return back. "Ahhh! So, that explains where he got the money to buy her an engagement ring," I thought. As we kept talking on the phone, I explained to her that we didn't receive the 1099s in the mail on this amount in question or at least Gary said he didn't. I asked for the addresses of where these 1099s were sent. She told me. I thought, "Well no damn wonder!" AND that I had a very good case for Innocent Spouse myself for both years in question. I had every right to claim both of his children in 2005 if I had the supporting documentation. You may ask, "What's the fear here?" It's one thing to think you were married to scum sucking leech and think he swindled you out of a lot of money by lying to you, it's another to find the evidence, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were. While everyone has been telling me that it's not all just her fault, I have defended him because I didn't want to think that he was all that bad. I wanted to believe that the man I was in love with was conned by Christine like he was with Catherine. Sometimes, you just don't want to know. That was the case for me. After all the hurt, pain and humiliation that I endured, I just didn't want to know how much he had gotten out of me on top of it. Why do I have to prove my innocence? Why can't he just tell the fucking truth? What is so freaking hard about him saying, "Yeah, I lied to all these people." or "Here's the money that I owe you for your time, love, and support that you gave me through a tough time in my life." Why can't he find the courage to tell Christine, "While I really appreciate you trying to defend me based on your very limited knowledge, CL really did ___________" And really tell her how having me in his life was a turning point for the better. This blog was written on 8/8/2007 I didn't post it because I was dealing with some issues with another man at that time. I had someone run the plates on his BMW and as I suspected, he wasn't telling me the WHOLE truth. I confronted him with the truth and he just about vanished into thin air. I feared that he would and he did. He didn't have to because I was cool with everything but, in the same token, I just needed to know for myself since he wanted to be around my children. He really did have all the degrees he said he did however, the name he gave was false

Why is it that because they lived under my roof that I am responsible for taking care of their debt when they left me with basically nothing? My boss received a phone call today from my former tenant's brother asking her to leave a number for me to call him. My boss knows the brother well because my former tenant was also a former co-worker that had to be rushed to the hospital from the job because he had gone into congestive heart failure in October of 2006. I'm thinking that the number is my former tenant and not him. I call the number and it is not set to receive messages and it's a woman's voice. I thought it was kind of strange and called back and got the same. I blew it off. I just got a call back from the brother. He asked me who I was. He rattles off all these names and really doesn't let me answer anything other then my name. Then he says, "OOOHHHHH you are Don's friend." "Yes", I reply. He then proceeds to ask me when Don is going to receive his money for the break in. I said, "I haven't filed it yet because I haven't received all the receipts." He then proceeds to verbally attack me saying, "You haven't filed it yet??? You know you have only so much time before they are null. Don't you think you ought to pay him some money seeing as how he saved you so many times and you were all the time leaving the door unlocked? Or did you forget about all of his money being taken?" I'm speechless. He then said, "You better get on it right away!" I said, "You act like I asked them to break into my house. The doors were lo..." He interupts me saying,"You owe him and he's broke." I said,"The insurance company is only going to pay me back for anything over $4,000. I haven't found all the receipts..." He interrupts again, "Well I don't know how much money you are out of but, Don's out over $400 because of this. He's broke. Don't call back until you have some money for him!" And he hangs up. I'm pissed off now. Don's brother Norm has sued a church because he fell down because a child bumped into him and he lost his balance. He said in his suit that the church was responsible because they allowed the child to "run" loose. And this is the same mofo that called me. You know I'm sorry that his stuff got stolen while he was in the hospital but Norm also had his brother's keys to the apartment. How do I know that he himself didn't take it? These people may have paid his rent while he was in the hospital but, they came in and moved all of his stuff out while I wasn't at home because he and Don's son wanted him to move immediately to Corpus Christi when he got out of the hospital. Thus, I was without his rent right at Christmas time. I also didn't get paid two weeks because of Christmas break. Not to mention that my stuff was stolen too! I did offer to pay him back for the gun but, I don't think that I should have to pay him back for some money that I don't know was even there or not. Now, I'm thinking that I should just say as the landlord even though the apartment is attached to my house that he should have had renter's insurance to cover his stuff because I can't prove that I owned any of his stuff. The house WAS LOCKED and there is evidence that the garage door had been jimmed open and the guy that broke in admitted to doing it and is in jail. So, why should I be held responsible when I DID take precautions to secure the whole house?

Some of you read the repost of a bulletin that was sent out about the death of one of my CT buddies. He and I spent hours upon hours talking both on here and on Yahoo. This is part of his last blog: I wish to say to all my "family": Southern Gal,Just Me, The Dark Queen, The Goddess CoverDBabe and all the rest I love you all and will miss you all but I guess the fun is over for me!!! But you can still drop by yahoo and chat with me at joe_daniels2001. Don't forget me have fun !!! Ole Cowboy Joe Joe Daniels

Well, most of you read my blogs to get a good laugh and this one is no exception. Please excuse me if we have discussed this privately and I'm repeating myself. Today is the first day I have felt human after a nasty fight with some kind of funk for the last five days. I have been down in the bed with a high fever, headache, stomach stuff and muscle aches. Yuck!!! Imagine trying to cook Easter dinner with your head pounding, the kids wanting the food because it smells great but all of you are just not feeling good. It was kind of get up stir the food, go lay back down. lol Yesterday, I tried to go to work but ended up asking for the rest of the day off. I wasn't the only one in the house that was sick. Thomas and Emily both stayed home Monday sick with me. You know you look like hell when your boss doesn't even question you about wanting to go home. So, anyway here is where the funny part comes in. I talked about getting all these new appliances for my house. Well, I couldn't have them installed for several reasons: The stove in the back is hardwired. Ok so we will have to turn the breaker off to cut the wires. One big problem is, it doesn't pull out far enough to get behind it so, somebody is going to have to have really long arms to cut it or someone has to climb on the countertop and dangle over the side to reach it. The new fridge for the back doesn't fit under the cabinet. It's the shortest one they had in the store yet I'm still going to have to either send it back or take an inch off the bottom of the cabinet. Yes, I measured it before I bought it but somehow it's still too tall. The pump in the front dishwasher went out so we were having to use the back dishwasher. All fine and dandy until Thomas couldn't get the bottom rack out because the water pump in the middle was stuck up and he didn't know thus, yanking the WHOLE middle section out when he was frustrated. Now here is the blonde moment you have all been waiting for: I started to pull the back dishwasher out and lo and behold, it was attached strangely. Visions of a bad sitcom episode flashed through my head. I pulled out my handy dandy fix it book and it tells how to install a dishwasher but not how to un-install one. Ok, so here I go thinking I can work backwards. Hah! The book doesn't show how to take it from the garbage disposal. Oh shit! So, now the dishwasher is just dangling there. So, guys if you know anything about how to un-install a dishwasher, how to manuever a hard wired stove and are willing to come show me the dingbat blonde how to do it, plllllllllleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeee come help!!!

I will no longer comment bomb anyone in a contest. Here's why: I saw a bulletin for a friend who had supported me in a contest asking for help in a contest he was in. I went over to the page and comment bombed on the fact that a girl was saying she really, really liked him. The comments were long and I said, "Hey that girl really, really likes you and I know you are a good man because you used to worship me. I wish you love, life and happiness because you deserve it." Two days later one of my pics was marked NSFW. I was like WTF? Amazingly, guess who had looked at my pics? The girl that had said she liked him. When I figure out what's up, I try to send him an e-mail on CT to tell him that. Since she was on his FAMILY list and apparently blocked me, I was blocked from sending him mail too. So, I had to go to another program to send him an e-mail. This type of behavior is childish and petty. If you are talking to another woman, great. More power to ya. I wish you well. I don't need drama because of it. I have been a beautiful woman for a long time. I have had my fair share of women meeting me in the bathroom wanting to kick my ass because their man looked at me and I didn't have a clue as to who the hell their man was. It's insane. I don't need the insanity if I haven't even done anything. Some of the men that I have on my friends list, I have been friends with for years. I have one that I knew from high school!!! Long before he ever met his wife (who is also on my friends list) or even knew she existed. Ladies, if you are reading this, I want you to know my personal policy on married/attached men: IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME, TALK TO ME. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR MAN, TALK TO HIM. I RESPECT the bonds of marriage and devoted relationships. I make it very clear that I am uncomfortable talking to men that are involved with anyone. I make sure that the man is aware that cheating hurts. I tell them my own story. I direct them to sites that specifically talk about cheating. Usually, this stops anything before it starts. If they say, I just want to be friends and talk. Talking is fine. No one should have a problem with anyone talking to another person. If they do, they might want to see what is going on inside of them that makes them feel insecure about this. It has been my experience that men sometimes just want an answer to a question to why a woman does this or that. Easy answers to questions are no big deal to me. Talk is talk. It sure beats going to a bar to find someone to talk to isn't it? I will never meet a married/attached man anywhere alone unless: 1) I have also met the wife/girlfriend and she understands that she can call me at anytime to see that we are not doing anything behind her back. AND at anytime she feels uncomfortable with him talking to me that I will cut off all ties. 2) The man can prove to me that he is in an open marriage by showing me her profile where she openly conveys her lifestyle choice and is OPENLY ok with her husband or b/f seeking others. 3) The man has expressed to me that he is very much in love with his wife and NO BODY will ever come between them. I really do respect men that say this. Why would I consider having sex with someone in an open relationship? I don't like them but I have been in them. It's simple. We set basic ground rules for the relationship and we both know where the other stands on the subject. It's just sex and when we are done, I send them home to who ever is keeping them. I don't have to answer to anyone if I want to go to the store instead of coming straight home from work and "worrying" them. I don't have to put my kids through meeting a man and having different rules or adjust to them.

Today is the 5th anniversary of the day my momma died. I have tried to look at where I was then and where I am now but sometimes the pain just grips me. I can remember our last conversation. I can remember saying, "It's ok to step into the light. It's ok to want the pain to end." I can remember her asking me, "Why do you wanna kill me?" And my answer was, "Momma I don't want to kill you. Don't you remember what we talked about yesterday? Don't you remember you have cancer and they have given you medication to make your brain be less swollen?" She sat back and said, "Oh!" She would get so fucking frustrated. So FUCKING pissed off that she was trying to talk and she couldn't make her mouth say what she wanted to say to us. I felt as helpless as a young child. The sad thing is, I still do. She and I had made so many plans about my business and how she had planned to help with at least helping me with child care while I was out working it. Neither one of us knowing at that time that she had cancer. Neither one of us having a clue that she was even sick. Hell, she took care of me only two months prior to her death after I had major surgery. The doctors had never seen the type of cancer she had. They didn't know what to do. Everyone was baffled as hell. Especially when she had a heart attack along with it and was low on potassium. From the day she was diagnosed with the cancer till the day she died, it was 7 days. Seven FUCKING days of watching her organs shut down. Starting with her toes turning black. Her sister tried to comfort me when I knew that it was going down. The day before she died, I climbed into the bed with her. I was so damn scared. I just wanted my mommy. I didn't care what anyone thought because I just needed her arm around me. I just needed to hear her breath. I just needed to hear her heartbeat just one more time and I told her, "Mommy, I know you think that I will be taking your place but, I can't, no one can. You are unique and I love you." Her finger moved a little. I know she heard me. I know she did. The hospice nurse came in and started asking me questions and I got pissed. "Dammit don't talk about this shit in front of my mom! She can hear you!" The nurse looked at me as it sank in, "Oh, ooohhh... I am so sorry. I....I'll come back later" Hospice had taken over the case and moved her to another room. I knew. I knew it would be the last time I saw her alive. I said my final goodbye to her and took some of her belongings with me. Her hospital nurse came by that night after he got off work to tell me that the rattle had started and that my brother was there. He stayed with me until my children's father got here from Florida. I awoke 5 years ago today to the sound of two alarm clocks and the phone ringing. I hit the one actual alarm clock, my mind was the other as I already knew what the phone call was. I told the lady to call my brother. I walked into the living room and Travis said, "Damn you have a hell of an alarm system here." I looked up at him and said, "That was the call, She died." I was sort of in shock but, not. It's hard to describe it. I go into taking care of business mode and when it's done, we fall apart. Numb to the feelings or detached. Anyway, I went to the hospital. My brother was already there. She was yellow. He and I just sort of held her and cried. The nurse came in and said they needed to finish preparing her body for the funeral home and asked us to sign papers to release the body to them. We had already signed papers for donation of her organs but, the nature of her cancer prevented them from being viable. I kind of figured as much but I have always tried to express to my family, patients and friends that organ donation is a wonderful gift of life in your death. My brother gave me my "assignments" before leaving the hospital of what the funeral home needed. I was also to find a pastor for the services. Oh Joy! I had only been back in town for 6 months and I didn't have a church home and neither did she. I went home and found the only nice dress that I knew would fit her. She had worn it for my first wedding and looked gorgeous in it. I gathered her make up and found a pic of her in the dress so the person that did the hair and make-up could see her style. It required a strapless bra and well they asked for undergarments too. She didn't have one so, I found one of mine that I hated and threw it in the bag. What? She wasn't going to feel it! I think every woman has some little resentment against their mom and well that was my little resentment coming out. My son woke up and asked me in an angry tone what I was doing in Nana's room. I had hoped to be out of there before the kids woke up but, I didn't make it. It was then that I had to tell him. I held him as he cried. When the sobs lessened I told him that I had to take all of the stuff to the funeral home and I needed help picking out the jewelry. The rest of the day was filled with phone calls to everyone. My neighbor made us dinner at her house and another neighbor brought us some bbq for sandwiches the next day. I excused myself as I finished dinner for some time alone. The next day, was spent on the phone again. I went to our job where my mother and I worked together. They were eating and made a plate for me while I discussed what else I needed for the funeral. My supervisor expressed that my boss was an ordained minister and would do the ceremony for us if I asked. He said yes and I was like whew! As I walked out to the parking lot, I saw one of my mom's friends. She was surprised that I had chosen our boss to do the services. She actually got mad at me and never spoke to me again from that point on. Apparently, there had been some bad stuff going on before I came to work there and the "old timers" had a grudge against my boss. Even at the funeral she wouldn't even look at me. Like I stabbed her personally in the back. To this day she has not even said hello to me again. Talk about holding a grudge...damn! My aunt, brother and sister in law came over to look at pics. I spent time with some friends and set up some music for my friend Tracy to sing. She has an outstanding voice. So all was set for the funeral the next day. To be continued...

Tonight, our dog Chief started barking like crazy. My son went out to the back to see what was going on. The back door was open and the back gate was open. He wasn't sure what was going on until someone said, "Oh fuck!" Four people scrambled to get into a Honda Civic and took off. My son came running in yelling, "Call 911!!! Call 911!!" I thought he was joking until he picked up a baseball bat and started running toward the back door. I called the police. Thomas got on the phone and told them all that he had seen and that the neighbor behind us heard them too. His dog was barking. When the police came, he said, "Y'all sure are having a lot of break ins!" He went back and talked to my son and the neighbor but said, "Well since they didn't actually do anything we don't really need to write up a report. You don't even have a license plate number just the make of the car but, we'll keep a look out." I just don't get it. Why do these little punks keep messing with us. Yes, I kicked a former gang member out of my house, busted his ass for ripping me off and helped put another coke dealer in jail but, damn this is just annoying as hell! I thought that stopping crime was a good thing and now I am getting harrassed by these punks and the police. WTF???? Seriously, the cops act condescending to me because I didn't know this kid (I call him a kid even though he is 19)was a former gang member. Ok excuse me but it's not like the young man acted rude to me from the get go. He was actually very respectful saying "Yes Ma'am and No Ma'am." He said his g/f and him got into a fight and kicked him out. I took pity on him like a lot of other good hearted folks do. How the hell was I supposed to know? It's not like I can just go pull a rap sheet on someone like they can. Hell, I didn't even know if the people tonight had anything to do with him but, it's Christmas night and they just walked in my yard like they owned the place. And even if they did a home invasion on me, my guns got stolen in the last break in and can't even defend myself! I'm sick of this crap! Well Merry Christmas to me huh?

I'm sorry that I can not upload anymore photos for you to rate. My computer got stolen last Friday during a burglary of my house. This is the second time that my house was broken into in the last month. The first time my two digital cameras were stolen along with almost everything of value in my son's room. Yes, I do have homeowner's insurance however, the insurance company is saying that because it was two break-ins that it is two seperate claims subject to a $1,860.00 deductible on EACH CLAIM!! So, here I am without electronic items that took me 6 months of my wages to pay for because some punk 19 year old kid decided to seek revenge on me and all of what I had worked for was gone in a matter of 45 minutes yet, I still will only get reimbursed for anything over about $4,000 bucks. Is that a crock of shit or what??????

I need to write about this and possibly get some feed back from folks about how to handle this situation. When I first moved back to Houston, I felt it was the right thing to do for my children's education. My son was the only boy in the 6th grade to make distinguished honor roll for the entire school year. Yeah! The next year he went out for the football team and made it. My thoughts were yeah, I don't have to pay for anymore little league/pop Warner football. The down side of it was and has been that boys from all walks of life are on the football team and some of them at that school had brothers who were in gangs where drugs are plentiful. T's desire to be part of the popular crowd lead him to start trying pot and alcohol at parties. The first time he got drunk he was only 13 and it scared him. I thought to myself, "Ok he tried it, didn't like it we are over it." About 2 years ago, another parent and I were discussing why she took her son out of the high school that they both were attending citing the school had a major drug problem that they weren't addressing. Maybe I was naive but I thought my son wasn't doing that. Along about spring of that year my aunt died and my brother had to go pick up the key to my house from him and noticed that the boy he was with was stoned but he acted as if my son wasn't. My brother has been sober now for 21 years so I figured if anyone should know it would be him. A couple of weeks later he dropped the bomb on me that my son was doing it too. crap!! My dad died like a month after that and I took my kids to their dad's house. Along the time that the kids were gone, my now ex husband started "talking" to another woman who wanted to "help" me through my grief. In actuality, she wanted him and having me come over to meet her gave her an idea of what she was up against. In two months time, she managed to convince him that I was never going to get over my father's death and his kids didn't need to be around my son using drugs and he packed up his kids (that he has custody of and I was supporting)...that's a whole other story.. Anyway, I've tried to be the cool mom by not bitching too much about it but it has come to a point where he is allowing friends to stay over who bring him pot. He's also been stealing my car at night to go see his g/f and hang with his friends. One friend was as they said, "A former gang member" who needed to stay at my house because his WIFE kicked him out of the house. Things started disappearing. The man, I guess was telling T, that he had seen a guy in our back yard blah, blah, blah to which I really couldn't argue about because of the fact that my now ex husband had caught someone out there before. One day my extra set of keys to both my car and truck turned up missing. Of course, the answer to me was I must have missplaced them. A day later, Max has a pitbull in my house and the truck had been moved. Max said his cousin had gotten it for him. My son said yea the truck is right where it was when he left. Three days later, I come home from work and the damn pitbull wouldn't let me in my own house. This made me angry and I told Max about it. I came into my office as usual to do my computer work. Some girl calls asking to speak to Max so I go back and knock on the door. The door is locked so I tell the girl that he must be taking a shower. On my way back to my office, I notice that my car is not in my driveway. I call the police and report it stolen. The girl calls again half an hour later and again I get no response from inside the room other than the dog barking. I get concerned and pick the lock open to find that Max isn't in the room. I call the police back and tell them who is driving the car. They weren't even going to take a report until I told them that I intended to press charges. I just happen to be standing in the room when he finally shows back up. He says, "Oh shit!" I said, "Oh shit is right! Now give me my damn keys and get the hell away from my house!" The police show up and the dog is taken by animal control. That night he calls and asks to come back. I tell him, "Oh hell no!" Three hours later, he calls and my son answers the phone. Max starts threatening him. I pick up the phone and tell him that animal control has his dog to leave us alone. The very next day, my house was broken into and all of my son's playstation, x-box, dvd and video games were stolen along with his bass, guitar and amps. My digital cameras, his watch, computer equipment, clothes and even a box of condoms were taken. About 3-4 grand in stuff. My son wants to hurt him now. I have tried to convince him that at least we weren't hurt. Now Max is leaving threatening messages. Driving by firing off rounds and we even witnessed them driving around trying to put together a posse. Max has been known to do home invasions and has broken another kid's jaw. T continues to talk to another guy that Max had camped out at his house and done the same thing there. Now that guy is in my house following T's impromptu "let's get high on my birthday" party that he neglected to tell me about last night. I have been trying to explain to T that this is how his life is going to be if he continues running with these people but he just doesn't get it! He says that had I not flown off the handle at Max and let him get his dog that none of this would have happened. I said, "T he stole my car! He stole things from the house before I even said don't come back. Why are you defending him?" He said, "Oh well you are the one that did it and now we are targets." AND he continues to smoke. Now don't get me wrong here in that I'm against people smoking pot as I have done it myself. I am against my son doing it and possibly screwing up his life. This is still my house and if I get busted for having the substance in my house, I am at risk of loosing my job, my house, my kids, along with jail time. Does anyone have any suggestions here?