Things Rednecks Will Never Say
I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
Duct tape won't fix that.
Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
We don't keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
You can't feed that to the dog.
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
Wrestling's fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
We're vegetarians.
Do you think my gut is too big?
I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, we don't need another dog.
Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Checkmate.
She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
I don't have a favorite college team.
Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
You ALL.
Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.
Taken from Daily Comix.
I want the confederate flag down. (from Owen351)
Let's move to the city! (from Owen351)
That is enough children. (from Owen351)
We have too many dogs! (from Owen351)
I don't want to go huntin'. (from Musclman84)
I'll take a root beer. (from FSUFAN89)
My house doesn't have wheels. (from FSUFAN89)
"You guys." (from TeresaandJoeS)
I had too much beer. (from GriMc64)
Dont you think my truck is to big? (from LolJameslol)
I hate John Deere. (from Redneckbaby)
Oh, that ain't a dog that's my pet mule. (from TStormy757)
I don't think I want a gun rack in my truck, they are just too tacky. (from Albion1977)
Elivis who? (from BluZmbie)
I'm glad the South didn't win. (from JeremyJ78)
No more Tobasco, it's too hot. (from JeremyJ78)
Did you get the new Snoop Doggy Dogg CD yet? (from JeremyJ78)
I wish Hank Williams Jr. and George Jones would quit drinkin'. (from JeremyJ78)
Come in kids, it's too cold. (from Teen8784)
Today is my first day back to school (since I quit in 3rd grade). (from CoolManMike2006)
I'm too drunk to go huntin'. (from Teen8784)
Give me a Coke. (from Teen8784)
Don't run that deer over. (from Teen8784)
Kids, stop playin' with those matches. (from Teen8784)
I'm tired of beer. (from Teen8784)
My CB antenna is too high. (from Teen8784)
Go outside to spit. (from Teen8784)
Turn your head to cough. (from Teen8784)
Hope I don't get caught doin' this. (from Teen8784)
Quit spittin'. (from Teen8784)
The death sentence?! That's a little harsh don't you think? (from Myerslaue)
I don't think your brushing your teeth in the back enough son. (from Myerslaue)
My tires are big enough. (from Redneckgal0200)
Drinking is pointless. (from Redneckgal0200)
Honey your jeans are too tight. (from Redneckgal0200)
I wasn't confused by the election ballot. (from Joann R.)
I voted for the candidate I meant to vote for and just one time. (from Joann R.)
Pass the soap. (from Myerslaue)
I am a city boy! (from Kateredneck2004)
What color are my teeth? (from Kateredneck2004)
Who is Richard Petty? (from MUDRIDINCOWBOY)
That gun's too big for me to shoot. (from MUDRIDINCOWBOY)
Slow down, you're drivin' too fast. (from MUDRIDINCOWBOY)
NASCAR racing is boring. (from MUDRIDINCOWBOY)
I don't drink. (from MUDRIDINCOWBOY)
Fishin' is boring. (from MUDRIDINCOWBOY)
I don't like huntin'. (from MUDRIDINCOWBOY)
I think deer tastes nasty. (from MUDRIDINCOWBOY)
Yo! (from Girlsloveme67863)
Slow down there's an armadillo in the road. (from Myerslaue)
I missed the deer by a mile. (from LIFEISPEACHY000)
Honey, kick the dog out of the bed. (from Sam Lawson)
It wasnt me that farted. (from Sam Lawson)
I left my shotgun at home. (from Sam Lawson)
Smokin' and drinkin's bad for your health! (from Dixiedarlin1986)
Son I don't want that gun rack put in your go-kart. (from DRDREw5143)
What's up my homey? (from DRDREw5143)
No thank you, I don't want any Skoal. (from DRDREw5143)
Son, speak proper English. (from DRDREw5143)
Excuse me madame. (from DRDREw5143)
I don't believe in spanking my children. (from DRDREw5143)
I don't like Dale Earnhart anymore. (from DRDREw5143)
Honey, we need a new hard drive for the computer. (from DRDREw5143)
I ain't touched a beer in a week. (from PRINE16)
Honey I am too tired for sex. (from Supercowboy86)
Leave the cooler at home. (from Supercowboy86)
I want "Romeo and Juilet" instead of "Hustler." (from Supercowboy86)
I need directions. (from Supercowboy86)
Do I smell ok? (from Supercowboy86)
Stop them two dogs, they're gonna kill each other. (from bayou220l)
Son, you better not drink that 40 then go to the rifle range. (from KnightofNi62)
The Dukes of Hazzard is dumb because the characters are immature. (from KnightofNi62)
Yankee? Sure we would love fer you to stay! (from LITMISREDNECK)
I don't like grits. (from LITMISREDNECK)
I think they should take the Dukes of Hazzard off the air, it's getting boring. (from Hazzardfan1)
The color of the General Lee is ugly. (from Hazzardfan1)
Duct tape won't fix that. (from Teen8784)
I don't chew. (from Ba185dude)
I hate the country. (from Princess20011201)
How can anyone keep a car jacked up on blocks? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Remember, keep the chickens out of the front yard. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Don't bring that Elvis TV tray in my house. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
I want my yard to be the best kept one in the block. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
I will never wear blue jeans. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Don't play that country music in my house. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
How can people listen to Bluegrass music? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
How can anyone drink moonshine? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
What is a still? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
I hate cowboy boots. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Why do you want all those lights on your truck? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Honey, two children is a big enough family. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Now why does anyone need a coon dog? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
What is a moon pie? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
I hate cowboy hats. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Don't bring that dog in the house. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
How can he marry his cousin? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Who could sleep with their sister? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Let's paint the house. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Let's get rid of the truck, it's starting to rust. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Please, don't park in the yard. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Put curtains on the bedroom window, not a blanket or a sheet. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Those tires are too big for my truck. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Just a simple truck, I don't want to draw attention. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
I do not want to see a gun in my house. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
I don't think I could hurt a deer. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Let's talk, fighting gets you nowhere. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Don't let that dog in my truck. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
We should buy the car, not the truck. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
What do I need a truck for? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Remember kids, be like Dad, say "No" to beer. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
I don't want to live in a trailer. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Education and family values are everything. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Never chew tobacco, smoke, or use snuff. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Never have more children than you can afford. (from BRANDONCYOTE)
What are food stamps? (from BRANDONCYOTE)
Hank Williams Jr. wasn't really all that good of a singer. (from the_marlboro_man_84)
I think I'll have a non-alcoholic beer. (from Teen8784)
No honey, you sit down and I'll do the cooking tonight. (from NKTrojan78)
Turn it to the home shopping network. (from RebelNBrighton)
Honey do you think this tube top is too tight? (from TSBALSAMO)
