Here are some comments colleagues and I have heard from employees that I thought were note worthy... I will keep adding to this as I hear more.
"I know I was breaking company policy but I thought that if it was only for a few minutes each day it would be okay. I mean isn't there a time allowance on these things?"
"Well I'm not sure which network drives I need access to so why do you give me full rights to everything and I will tell you what I don't need"
Employee: "I wasn't looking at porn on the company computer.. it's all those pop-ups"
HR Manager: "Isn't this a print out of you sign in page to a website that contains adult content?"
"I know I was told that my computer activity would be monitored but I didn't think you would actually check."
President of a company: "Yes I told my managers to fire all the women, women belong at home. And you can quote me on that!"
Attorney: "Sir this is a deposition everything is a quote."
Employee explaining why the configuration to an Oracle Database failed: "Well, I didn't understand all the steps in the set-up instructions so I skipped some of them."
Three months into starting a new job: "I had to learn stuff as part of my orientation traning for my new job and I now feel that I am more valuable as an employee and should get a raise."
"Engineers would never anything to disrupt the network."
Employee: "I'm missing email, I think it's getting blocked."
IT staff: "What email are you missing?"
Employee: "Well how do I know what email I'm missing if it's getting blocked and I'm missing it?"
Employee: "I can't beleive you gave John the promotion instead of me! He's only been here 3 years and I have been here 17!"
Manager: "Yes but you have repeated the same year 17 times."
