Candy's blog: "Things on my mind"

WHY DO PEOPLE PRETEND TO BE THINGS THEY ARE NOT|? I AM NOT PERFECT. I HAVE 4 KIDS AND AM DIVORCED. I DRINK ON WEEKENDS. I HAVE BAD HABITS. I AM A CHERRY TAP ADDICT. I LOVE TO SIT AND DO GRAPHICS. IM NOT PERFECT. BUT I DO HAVE A HEART AND IT DOES BREAK AND IT CAN LOVE. I HAVE RECENTLY HAD SOMEONE THAT HAS CAME INTO MY LIFE THAT MEANS ALOT TO ME. HES A GREAT PERSON. HE CARES ABOUT MY FEELINGS AND WHAT IM THINKING AND VALUES MY OPINION ON EVERYTHING HE DOES. I APPRECIATE THAT. I DONT THINK HE UNDERSTANDS HOW MUCH I DO APPRECIATE THAT BUT I DO. ANYWAY.... ON WITH MY VENTING. WHY DO I HAVE TO MEET GUYS WHO ONLY WANT A PIECE OF ASS? IS THAT ALL IM GOOD FOR? IT VERY WELL MAY BE. BUT I SIT HERE AT 32 AND WONDER? WILL I EVER HAVE A MAN TO CALL MY SOULMATE. MY BETTER HALF. THE ONE THAT MAKES ME WHOLE AGAIN... BACK IN THE DAY I WAS A DJ AT A NIGHTCLUB. I GOT OUT OF HAND. I WASNT A WHORE BUT I HAD MY SHARE OF ONE NIGHTERS. IT WAS FUN AT THE TIME I THOUGHT. BUT NOW I SIT HERE AND THINK. ALL THE PEOPLE THAT USED TO KNOW ME LIKE THAT. THINK THAT I AM STILL LIKE THAT. AND I HATE THAT FACT. I AM NOT LIKE THAT. I TRY TO BE THE BEST MOTHER I KNOW HOW TO BE. I TRY TO BE A GOOD PERSON. AND WHEN GUYS ASK ME TO SCREW SO TO SAY IT UPSETS ME CAUSE EVEN IF THEY DONT KNOW ME THEY JUST ASSUME THAT IM ANOTHER GIRL THAT DOESNT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HERSELF.WELL ITS NOT TRUE.. I DO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MYSELF AND MY KIDS. AND WANT WHAT EVERY OTHER GIRL WANTS. SOMEONE TO LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY. SOMEONE TO LOVE ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, GOOD OR BAD. IS THAT SO BAD TO ASK FOR?

Headache... wont go away. Heartache... wont go away. Loving him... feels like heaven. Needing him... makes it difficult. Wanting him... Feels like forever. Uggg... what this does to a woman. One can only feel. The hurt. The passion. The love. The desire. It takes alot to love. And only a second to loose it.

YEAH I THINK I OUGHT TO TAKE EVERYONES ADVICE AND LOOK AT WHATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE.. I AM SO HURT AND MAD RIGHT NOW THAT I CANT SEE STRAIGHT . BUT I GUESS THATS WHAT THE INTERNET DOES TO YOU.. SO IVE GOT A FEW TO THINK.. MIGHT JUST STOP ALL THE LC'IN AND DELETE THE PAGE.. I GOTTA THINK ABOUT IT THOUGH. CAUSE I HAVE MET SOME GREATTTTTT FRIENDS ON HERE.. JUST TIRED OF LIES AND BULLCRAP.. PEACE OUT

SEEMS LIKE SOMETIMES THE LOVE AND THE PASSION OF ONES HEART IS A TIMELESS EFFORT.. YOU GIVE YOUR ALL. HOPEING, WANTING, AND NEEDING THE INTENSE, PASSIONATE LOVE OF ANOTHER.SOMEONE THAT SEEMS SO SWEET AND GENEROUS AND TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE CAN SOON TAKE YOUR HEART AND HOLD IT IN THEIR HAND.AND THEY ARE ABLE TO DO WHATEVER THEY PLEASE WITH IT. PLEASE CARE FOR IT LIKE YOU SHOULD. KNOW THAT IT IS VERY FRAGILE. I DONT WANT TO BE LIED TO. NOT SAYING I HAVE, BUT I FEEL A LITTLE LEFT IN THE DARK ABOUT SOME THINGS.. ALWAYS HAVE ACTUALLY. MAYBE IM NOT MEANT TO BE LOVED OR WANTED LIKE SOME.. MAYBE I WANT AND ASK TO MUCH OF A GUY. I DONT KNOW.. MAYBE ITS ALL IN MY IMAGINATION.

Sometimes it feels like all I have worked for and wanted in my life.. Just falls apart.. Theres a emptiness inside me and I just dont know how to make it feel whole again. We live we learn... and we love.. although love is sometimes blind.. and sometimes sad and sometimes heart breaking.. never say you regret the feeling that you had at that moment when you said the words I love you. to alot of people its just words... to me its the passion and the fire in my life.. something I dont want to live without